11.08.2008

Deep breath........ shhhhhheeeeeeeee.......... hoooooooooooooooo

8.18.2008

I've simply started a new project:

http://limberzen.blogspot.com

It's my new transport to that place of relaxation we all need.

8.16.2008

Anything to Puncture The Stillness

I am profoundly vacant at this current moment. I feel inclined to write and fulfill my Zen duty, but nothing is on my finger tips besides this. It is simply that I have nothing really to say anymore. I thought that changing "Ribbon's Mind" to "Five Story Place" would undo my writer's block and reimburse my mind with ideas. But instead it has led to even more emptiness. Perhaps it is time to put Ivy Ribbon to bed. I have seen others follow me, and by that I mean start a project of their own. I can't help but be ego-enhanced for a moment for I led them to have such an idea, well I only hope I did. But at the same time I long to be different. I would never want to be the same as someone else which sounds almost worse than being the same as everybody else. But to be honest, it slightly bothers me that they have followed me; making me choose between Ivy and my Independence. I know that it wasn't my original idea; someone obviously had a project before me, but I followed blogger for I had something to say. Now, I think I've said it. Now on the other hand everyone deserves to be their own. Of course, I don't want to keep anyone from their creative expression. And I'm not talking about all bloggers. I'm talking about only certain ones, or even a singular one. So, this may be Ivy Ribbon's last post though I'm torn. it lies on still water for now. Leaving anything to puncture the stillness.

8.08.2008

Vacations are important to reimburse your soul. This is true on so many levels. that's a "Five Story" oppurtunity.

7.30.2008

When do we wake up? At what point do we rise from practically being unconscious to having memory?
Who are we?

My mother asked me to describe myself in three words, or so. I couldn't really get past creative and slow. [in my mind, I said fatter] And, honestly, I don't think I'm that creative, but I know I'm pretty slow- physically and mentally.

But, at what point in time do we become critical of ourselves? I don't remember being critical when I was five or really 7. I don't remember when I started comparing my stomach to other girls'. I do-- however-- remember being competitive with other kids in who would finish their tests/quiz's the fastest. I was last a lot. blerg. It really was a race back in elementary school, because grades really didn't matter.

Were We Ever Innocent?

Were we ever Innocent? Was it just for a split second and then the recycled air around us soiled it? We burst into the air that was shared by now trillions and landed into the doctor's or our parent's hands. That first touch or gasp for air was our moment of branding. Then we were carved into the walls of humanity. I am no different. Neither is anyone else. So, aren't we all the same? Innocent once, all at that same time in our mothers' stomach.
Aren't we all criminals at one point in our lives?

7.25.2008

Worst Season Ever.... contrary to popular belief

Knowing what I do doesn't matter is not the brightest or optimistic thing I could write about, but it's completely true. Nothing I do resembles anything helpful to this world.

School is the only place that allows me to feel important. Without it I'm lost and small. Even then, I'm belittled by my lackluster abilities. But at least I give somethng to the group and know that I've done something with my day's time.

Clearly, summer is the worst time of the year. My reasons being:

  • I lose my momentum and become extremely lazy
  • I feel lost in an endless time vat that I don't need, like losing a job and every minute after could be used into getting another one, but you're hot glued to the ground. Guilt every step
  • People around me feel the same way but are farther along in life and it really is a waste not to be getting an internship, not to be working, not to be taking classes that matter. If they can't find stability, how can I?

7.24.2008

'Me Learn Words are Sounds'

"Take a walk." what does that mean? I know, get up and use those things off your ankles called feet and apply your body's weight to them. Put one foot in front of the other. But how do the sounds "Teh-Ache" mean to receive or accept willingly? And how does "Ah" mean an article meaning one of something? And further more, how does "Way-keh"= to move about in a visible form? So when one is learning a new language and somethings don't translate, this comes into affect. And as Manfred Mann has already established; sometimes you can be blinded by the light.

Ok, I'm not ending it like that, but it's still miraculous how far we've come, language wise. I always imagine how it began; I imagine a round table of men with beards wrestling over how to say things. pointing to various objects and announcing random sounds from their congested throats [dripping with beer]. Oh, and of course, they're men, because if they were females then the french word for breast wouldn't be sein (pronounced sine. how boring is that and horribly sounding)

7.16.2008

Nostalgic Story

I miss the days where every minute was picked up by the reigns and taken by storm. I miss the sun. I feel so couped up, but I'm too lazy to go outside. Wow, I sound whiney, but I don't think I'm the only one. If I had somewhere to walk with sidewalks, I would. People need more space sometimes.





7.15.2008


DEAR VEGETARIANS,
How could you possably want to eat this over a locally farmed cow or pig?? Ruin it for the rest of us, why don't you.
Of course, I'm just joshin'.

Chandelier Project

I began this project in the winter, I believe, and ended it after about 30 minutes of picture-taking. Sadly and stupidly, my dad gave my mom's chandelier away to Good Will, you know because I'm sure so many people are chandelier shopping at there. Anyways, the subject of this project was juxtaposition. Juxtaposition, for those of you in the dark, it is basically just putting together opposites or contrasts. In this case unpredictable environments for my mom's somewhat fancy chandelier.


Burrowing Den


In Leaves


Tenticles with Dead Candles




Asphalt: Up the Spout


Chandelier in Garage

C'est Tout!

Me in Future?


I feel like that random staple up there. The nails, if taken out would seem to be missed by the holes that would be lucid after the surgery. But the staple? It seems almost easy to get out, well easy enough for one strong doctor hand to do the procedure. Not much of a hole would be left. I feel like that staple because I don't have a direct flight to my future, but maybe it's not perminentl I'm too young. It makes me wonder if we think we have stunt growth at a young age or if we think we will live an average/lackluster life, will we be hammering ourselves into that hole? I hope not. It's a new era, age or time for better greatness [or greatness at all].

7.08.2008

Hancock * * * (3 unanswered Stars)

Will Smith's new movie, Hancock, has only two words to describe it, and they are "unanswered questions". If you are planning to see the movie then maybe reading this isn't the BEST idea because there may be some spoilers on the way. I feel like we were given the background information consistant of a cow. If that makes any sense, though it doesn't because the movie made little to no sense. I know I know I know the movie is fictional, but some things just don't add up. Like why Hancock like eagles so much? Theory #1: he was so enthralled with the movie "Space Jam", so he was then addicted to the song "Fly like an Eagle" i believe the rest of the song ends like this.... to the see, let the spirits carry me, I wanna FLYYYYYYY. But, Hnacock was 80 years old, you'd think he would be attracted to better songs. I mean that song is amazing, but there are things better. Like David Bowie's "Changes". Theory #2: He was raised by eagles.
I have just one more question, don't you worry. So at the end, he was dyin. Actually, I'm pretty sure he was dead, but all of a sudden he stood up and bounced away. How did that happen? Especially since the girl that gave him power when she was father away, was dead. Perhaps there was something else to the plot that I missed. Sitting in the front row of a large cinema, it seems unbelievable that I would miss something. So, perhaps they forgot to tell me something. Perhaps Warner Brothers could've made pamphlets for the viewers, just so when we have questions they can explain them. Basically, viewers, when you see Hancock, bring a piece of paper so you can write down all the facts and rules to the magic/whatever else can explain Hancock's powers.

6.26.2008

Happiness is a Tim Gunn

I think when it comes to shopping and fashion stuff* people only look at what they don't have, as opposed to making what they already have work. Take me, every time I'm watching vh1 or the Fashion network or TLC's "What Not To Wear," I get ideas of what to buy or what I 'need'. Honestly, it's obnoxious because I cannot afford every pair of knee high boots that are chic and cute and don't have too much of a heel to make me look any more taller than I am. And I definitely cannot afford tailoring pants to make them my height even if I can't find a pair of grey skinny jeans ANY WHERE. But besides the basics, there are the obnoxious buys that you love but you will probably only wear with one outfit or one color because it's either UBER ridiculous or just odd. I love those little things, or those shirts that are "one of a kind", but as a pratical person I must admit it's not always a Brilliant buy. BUT THAT'S WHAT I HATE!! especially when you're broke, like me. But, here's where Tim Gunn fits in; his catch phrase: "Make it Work" clearly comes into play. Revive the old and make it work with the new.

6.22.2008

Just Two Minutes Ago

So my dad came into my room to ask if I wanted to keep a picture of me and him at my 1st grade birthday party. Sure, I could have said yes and put in my closet or back in the attic where I had thrown it before. But instead, I said no. I apologized for it, but honestly, I don't want to remember the time where I hated showering, picked my nose, cried over spilled drinks (which is exactly what went down at that costume party all over my pink dress), and believed what everyone said. I don't the damn picture because I don't want to reminisce on something I hated the first time. This, I'm sure is distastefully cheesy, but I'll spit it out anyways: if you look back, nostalgically, too often or too much then it's over. The part in time where you lived for the future shouldn't have to be remembered because one should always look forward. Well, at least try to.

6.18.2008

What Makes Something Funny?

I'm attempting a construction of a play for school, and I'm so lost. How do you know if something is funny? I don't want to sound like I'm trying too hard to be funny, but I don't want it to be dramatic because that means it will be over dramtic and sappy. sorry. I'm slightly screwed. Kind of odd.

6.14.2008

Summer Playlist

1). Music is my Hot Hot Sex: CSS
__ I love the random interval in this song of Spanish. look for it. it will be a nice little scavenger hunt for your summer.
2). Jerk it Out: The Caesars
__ The fist time I heard this song, I was virtually snowboarding down Garibaldi in SSX Tricky for PS2. What defines summer better than free time to play some vids? There's this DJ in the game that narrates, and whenever you do a really good trick he says "Call yo momma in the room and tell her how good you are" and "Funky dog Maneuver!"
3). D.A.N.C.E: Justice
__ Apparently this band is really religious. Ironically, I think they're pretty good, so check em' out.
4). Your Kisses Are Wasted on Me: The Pipettes
__ This reminds me of Justice (the band I just mentioned, not like Justice League or something)
5). Shut Up and Let Me Go: The Ting Tings
__ this is the best song! It's so hard to listen to and not move! boy, i would hate being paralyzed for this very reason. Once you listen to it, you, too, will hold the wisdom, young padawons.
6). A Million Ways: Ok. Go.
__ Whatever happened to these guys? They weren't half bad. In fact they had a few funky dog maneuvers
7). When did your heart go missing?: Rooney
__ The lead singer to Rooney was the brother to Lily and real boyfriend in Princess Diaries. So put that up your pipes for future smoking.
8). Don't you Evah: Spoon
__ Well, I basically love spoon. I love the chill beat to their songs. God, I just LOVE THIS SONG!
9). Pumpkin Soup: kate Nash
__ Basically, this song reminds me of the beginning of Grease when Sandy and Danny just makeout and all that jazz all the time for fun. Perfect summer movie, well the first 15 minutes of it, after it's just million headaches.
10). Gone Daddy Gone: Gnarls Barkley
__ Saw them in concert. they dressed up like Spartans with the hats, armor and togas. They were awesome! Their new CD Odd Couple is ballin.
11). Higher Ground: Stevie Wonder
__ Stevie needs no introduction.
12). Valerie: Mark Ronson&Amy Winehouse
__ Say what you want about Amy Winehouse, but she is an amazing singer. This song is a beacon of her talent, basically.
13). Get Me Bodied (remix): Beyoncé
__ What's better than a song by Beyoncé that I don't understand?
14). Gettin Jiggy With it: Will Smith
__ When I first heard this song, I thought he was saying "Gettin' chiki-wiker." I was only eight or so when i heard it then, so my neighbor, sister and I made this fort out of pillows and mats. We named it Chiki-wicker.
15). Homecoming: Kanye West
__ I hate his attitude, but I love his music. I like the piano from Chris Matthews from Coldplay in this song.
16). Under Pressure: Queen & David Bowie
__ My Sister and I blasted this song like every Friday driving home from school. It was great.

6.04.2008

We are Small: my reaction to "Pale Blue Dot"(thank you, anonymous)

I cannot simply begin this post with an ambiguous apostrophe or another worthless vehicle. Yes, worthless. I cannot stress enough how unimportant my, your, their and everyone else's lives are. I'm sure I would be a horrible mother [I promise I'm making a point], especially in my future children's teenage years because I would openly admit to them that they don't matter and they would probably go cry about it. Now, I'm sure they would matter to me, but to the universe? They aren't even a microscopic spec; they literally are worth nothing, just as I am. Just as Theodor Herzl, Aunt Jemima, Albert Einstein, and Adolf Hitler are. What is Zionism? Who cares that Theodor Herzl made a "sanction" where the Jews could be alone? and Aunt Jemima, well she may not even be real in the first place, but she's not important either. Albert Einstein just produced a formula that is only the smallest fraction of the universe's importance. There's no room for hatred either, even for Hitler. No one matters, so from the millisecond we were created, we already were equals, even if equality wasn't enforced into our separate lives, we were always insignificant. Contritely, we are small.

6.02.2008

History

We were given the chance to conquer the world;
Implore death upon others,
All others,
But we decided over it.
So, when those plan to bash humanity,
It is time they recoil
And examine the cold war.

5.31.2008

Italy

So, I am going on a trip to Italy with the school's art and latin club next Spring break and I am very happy. Notice how I used the bland words "very happy" instead of utterly bouncing off the walls or something of the sort. It's not as though I don't want to go, clearly, it's just so overwhelming. It's like the first taste of ice cream or some amazingly delicious other food that you just want to keep eating for the rest of your life. Coming back will be the most painful withdrawl; 20x more than ice cream. So, basically I would fall in love with a city and then have to come back to Baltimore, which is barely citified compared to Rome.

5.25.2008

Is Anything Private Anymore?

It's a legit question. Every morning I come in to my Chemistry homeroom and someone is crying. Actually it's mostly just one person. And that one person "coincidentally" is basically the only person I've never seen wear colors and she's the only one who has the problem of constant "crying seshes" throughout the day. But, anyways, so somehow I know that she has had an "optical migraine" which doesn't exist (well I'm only 99.9% sure on that one), dated a "vampire" who bit her (disgusting!), and had some skin disease that would cause herself to pick at herself until she bled or so said she. Already too much right? The problem is that I haven't asked her once what's wrong or why she wears knee high combat boots everyday. She just announces it to whomever is sitting around her and we, of course, have assigned seats so that's me. H being near K in the alphabet. So, I blame this post of the alphabet.

She's not the only one. Now you have colorless's friend who has dyed her hair at least "five.5" (the same as how many boyfriends too, actually) times this year and in result it looks like straw you feed an ass (yes an actual donkey). Some people are hardly awake on Wednesdays or Fridays or even Saturday mornings, so Mondays you're barely expected to be conscious. She comes in on Mondays and announces her sex life which is practically unbelievable because she is so trashy and screwed up. But apparently, that's what males our age like.... bizarre. She tells us how many times they "rowed the boat"(6) and that her friend actually watched. Earthquake! Earthquake!! EARTH QUAKE!!! (hurricane! hurricane! hurricane!) ew EW EWWWW
So, I hope you get my point by now; you're probably not even reading this, you're THAT disgusted. Somethings just aren't meant to be publicized. And for some reason people think it's okay. It's so not.... on so many levels.

5.11.2008

My Favorite Posted Secret

Favorite:
I think the only reason I keep waking up every day is because I'm the most honest person I know and I like it that way.


because it somewhat applies, or at least most diligent

5.08.2008

Memoir: "A Little Too Much"

{this was just a piece I wrote for my creative writing class, which I adore. Just wanted to share it with the net}

I don't quite remember the date, or how tall I was. But I definitely remember the drive from my grandmother's house to the church. I'm sure Granddad posthumously pesters her for not giving him up to science.
I don't remember what I wore or what anyone else did. I do remember, though, wanting to sit down, alone. Everyone was all over me. I know they cared and I respected them for that. But still, I just wanted to breathe, exactly what Granddad couldn't do anymore.
Perhaps that was why he had had the heart attack because of our family. Great. We solved the mystery. That might have been the worst part of all; not knowing why it happened. It wasn't really the constant crying from my parents, siblings, and assortment of relatives. Nor the awkward empty room that Grandma assigns us to sleep in every time we visit. We still call it "Granddad's office".
From the moment Grandma asked me to touch the body that once consumed Granddad, I was enlightened. I felt it all; the weight of deformity through death.
I knew of the subject before this, but just barely. Like first-time tress passers who are too eerie to leave their mark. But by their third or fifth time tress passing they graffiti or litter.
In 5th grade we were asked to answer questions such as "What is your favorite family vacation?" along side "What is your biggest fear?" I wrote "Maine" and "dying". So as I turned away practically puking, I began to cry for numerous reasons besides the one at hand. I cried knowing I would be somewhere like this on a similar occasion but the body would be my mom's, dad's, brother's and sister's. On top of that, I cried knowing that I would die as well, and I would be alone without them, if all goes according to birth rate. Oh, it was all too much for an eleven year old.

5.07.2008

It's Not What it Seems


Though we had the Day of Silence at the high school I attend, it still seems that if a gay couple were to walk around the hallways holding hands people would stare and point. it's not as though they are equal to a monster with five heads wearing a mock Charlie Brown tee shirt, to be specific.
{psh-yeah, I illustrated that myself...}

5.06.2008

true love

After reading that last post, I almost vomitted. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself. But perhaps I am not. I feel like Hollywood has wrecked the word "love" or "true love". Honestly, instead of thinking of a couple who lives practically forever drenched in eachother is like 4th on my list when I hear the word "true love". Before that I think of clueless French college kids who don't really know love but spit out the word every five minutes they're with the person. Then I think of disney love. The fairy tale that never comes true (even that, now, is a cliché). The third I think of the true love that always falls threw; celebrity love.
I think love roams freely with any possibility. (personally I just want to show off my key board mastery with these awesome signs (THAT I DO AGREE WITH). )


♀+♂= ♪
OR
♀+♀= ♪
or
♂+♂=♪

5.04.2008

Feelings: Natural or Forced?

How can you tell the difference from what you want to feel and what you are naturally feeling?
There are so many different circumstances in life. For example, I know I should feel stressed for finals, but I am not. I know that by the time they are about to happen I'll try to stress myself out to be concerned and hopefully study, but I won't really feel that way. Here's another one, anniversaries, after the fifth or so, I don't think I'll care that much. Don't you prove to the person you love them everyday? And don't you sleep next to them almost every night? Isn't that a good good enough reward? So, perhaps, we've molded ourselves into thinking we should celebrate something or be excited to celebrate something when it's naturally celebrated every minute.

Top 30 Models of Encouragement from Teacher to Student

1. "That's not exactly what I was looking for but good try."
2. "Almost, you're on the right track!"
3. "That's incorrect, horrible try."
4. "You've deeply insulted me. I can't believe you cannot comprehend this simple lesson. Please leave my classroom. I cannot bare to look at you." (send them to the room Mr. Slainga is currently utilizing for some serious moral beat-down)
5. "What were you thinking? Clearly you weren't."
6. "I can't believe you made it this far in life."
7. "Why do you even show up anymore?"
8. "Do you even have a pulse?"
9. "According to my knowledge, I was certified to teach grades 9 through 12. Why did they give me toddlers?"
10. "Bitch, please" ("Z" snap optional)
11. "Go die.", "Vas mourir" or "Vete a morir" (reference: PGK)
12. "Can you even speak English?"
13. "Just because your name may be John Lockwood; you are NOT permitted to be an over-the-counter/certified asshole." (replace underlined words if necessary)
14. "What are you smokin'?"
15. "Don't let me hear your voice ever again; it makes me vomit."
16. "Good luck at Burger King, biyatch."
17. "No matter what your parents tell you, you will never succeed." (eye contact needed here)
18. "If you cut corners in Gym you cut corners in life."
19. "Did someone hit you with an "idiot stick" this morning?"
20. "You suck at life"
21. "You fresh Turd"
22. "Without you there's no "ass" in assignment"
23. If worse comes to worse, smack them viciously with a ruler, paddle or possibly some hydrofluoric acid. If none are available, throw a larger object towards their face (computer monitor, graduated cylinder, globe, etc.)
24. "The chances of you answering this correctly are as low as me passing you."
25. "I'm 99.9% sure that you're the reason why good teachers quit or retire early. And that other .1% is his fault." (Point to the person next to victim)
26. "You are the purest essence of bullshit."
27. Light the child on fire (*Remember to use the emergency exits!*)
28. "Who are you, Amy Winehouse? You can't skip class to visit the smoker's corner!"
29. "Does being obnoxious take up all of your time or is there some other reason why you couldn't do your homework?" "You can just go shave off your arms with a chain-saw because after that paragraph, you don't deserve the ability to write."

5.02.2008

Is 99 the New 100?

While peering on Mr. Schreiber's desk, my homeroom/chemistry teacher, I came across a paper listing examples of what teachers should say to congratulate their kids. But the list held only 99. 99 is a lot, but why not 100? I'm sure people at the county could think of something else; it's not hard to just smile. Or perhaps 99 has become a more powerful number. I guess those double nines are pretty potent. i mean one nine is pretty concerning, but two?? That's a doozey.

4.28.2008

Ridiculous Labels


If I read any of the side effects on any pill, I'm pretty sure I would have died by now or at least never gotten well because of all the ridiculous symptoms.

4.20.2008

Make me Younger

I feel like when you age as a kid and teenager, it's more like you're getting younger because people still think of you as being young. But when you're older like in the twenties and thirties you're really getting older because soon you'll be the big 4-0 and that if officially old, supposedly. So, basically, this first birthday celebrated with my blog, does not make me much older.

4.11.2008

My Springtime Poem

We scamper about the house
our chests beating madly
with excitement and anxiety.
Panting,
while silencing our playmates,
we lower ourselves into our planned positions;
perhaps behind a couch stashing our feet under a frieze,
or
perhaps inside a down cupboard
prohibiting it to close.
Smothering ourselves into walls,
dust puddles,
or our curled knees,
someone would sneeze,
cough,
or some other din
surrendering our positions.
So, we would begin again,
just as we had before.

4.06.2008

I Used to Look Up to You, Buddhism

After brushing up on some Buddhism I came to the conclusion that its overall purpose is no different from any other religion. I do give it props for being more worldly and open to others, but it is still for humanity. It still is greeedy in a way because the person wants to find nirvana. Plus, if you are not greedy or selfish just follow rules it makes it somewhat fake. I like the ideas but not as a whole. I think truely "good" people can be selfless and serving to others without a manual.

The Perfect Combination

I've had a revelation: I ever-so-longly want to become a fashion photographer. I completely understand someone when they say that fashion is hokey and whatnot because I used to be like that. But, I grew into the understanding and reflection that fashion is like art but better: YOU CAN WEAR IT! And it makes you feel good, I love it. And being able to capture the essense and beauty on film is amazing! I love the human body; that souds weird, but I really do, it's amazingly gorgeous and unique to every different person. It's just a perfect combination.

4.01.2008

Sexism still Breathes

I don't believe that America has completely freed itself of sexism. I know that there are more things backing me up on this. But for now; why is that when a guy is with more than one woman he is referred to as a "Player" with a positive connotation, but if a woman is with more than one man she is titled a "slut" with a negative connotation?

How bout that hip hop?!!

My Healthy Kick

Just as a friend of mine is going on a 30 day yoga extravaganza, I will be going on a 30 day healthy spit because I have not done what I told myself I would do during the summertime. I find it more to be a soothing trip. I would love to lose weight while doing so, but it's not all that. I've noticed that most people are happier when they are healthy and seeing how I may have be lacking in both departments, I shall improve. Again, it's the journey, not the finish.

3.31.2008

Popsicles in Winter

I would like to apologize: I have been extremely selfish lately. I don't think that I've pulled anyone down yet, but if so, I'm sorry. I'm sure this is a common issue: whenever you're unhappy you want those around you to be as well which is completely 100% unfair, but it makes you feel better. It's like eating a Popsicle in the winter; you start shivering (unless you're abnormal) and those around eventually begin licking one too because you tell them the flavor is amazing. But in reality you shouldn't give them it because shivering is extremely obnoxious.

I don't think that I gave people any Popsicles, but I feel like I did because it's been god-knows-how-long since I've finished this freezing Popsicle.

3.19.2008

The Tempest: Joanna Newsome

It's no wonder that her last name is "New-some" seeing as she gives listeners a practically whole new kinetic energy just listening to her. As her voice cripples me, her string and lyrics soothe my pained ears. "And the dustly wings which fell from flesh... And I go where the trees go, and I walk from a higher education from now and for higher; it feeds me but I do not know" ("En Gallop") It's simply gorgeous.

3.16.2008

My Perfect "Bird's Eye View"


There is much I think of when I see this picture I took a few days ago, and they are:
With questions come answers so with people come other people. It is clearly plausible that others endanger the rest of the world, but then again we can be saved by ourselves.
At some point in time it is necessary to look down on everyone, including yourselves. I don't enough people do that anymore, much less did it at all.
How bout you all?

3.15.2008

The Journey of Enlightenment

It may have been clear in many of my prior posts that I will grow to be a very miserable person, but may I serve it to you on a full platter: I am almost 30% positive that I will grow to be a very miserable person. Thirty percent is much greater than it has ever been for me. After watching the movie "There Will Be Blood", I have had a revelation of humanity and our irresitible want for greed. It has also come to my attention that no matter how hard I try I will always hate myself some way or another, if it is the slightest tint of hatred because of how I said the word "tomato" or how I considered even telling someone my deathly secret on facebook; hatred will always somehow seep through the Eqyptian cotton. I find it very very hard to look at oneself in the mirror everyday; how does one do it? Knowing that someone is always to be in front of you, though there will always be someone behind; they too may gallop ahead. I have never been the winner; I have always been the one to retreat. What can I say? I am a Democrat. I am a fucking Democrat who cannot slap the opponite for everything we've worked for will collapse like a tree in a heavy fire. We as humans will, as the proverb goes, will take one step ahead and two steps behind. I may not ever completely feel "good," whatever that is, I will atleast attempt it; the enlightenment is the journey not the finish.

3.13.2008

This week has Kicked my Ass

The words are crisp and salty with a readable aftertaste. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have sat behind a desk clutching the bars on the sides to somehow soothe my trembling body. So I will repeat myself by saying; this week kicked my ass. Sunday to Tuesday, I prepared a speech on the Writers Strike of which I agreed with. I was the third to go in class but luckily not the only one to shake profusely. I felt like I was hyper ventilating; I had memorized the speech entirely but I forgot to breathe before saying my conclusion. I don't really remember what happened next. Today, Thursday, I woke up at 5 to memorize yet another disaster; a French summary of this ridiculous story for an oral test, my first one-- I should add. Because it's my hardest and favorite class I feel most obligated to succeed but should that risk my sanity? I think not. Yeah, that test sucked.
So, I will repeat myself when I say; This week kicked my ass, and I may have to add that this semester or year has as well. And next year is Junior Year and it will be even worse. great. right?

3.09.2008

I CHANGED My Posted Secrets

I'm not really sure if this is a good idea or not to let the internet listen to my secrets because who knows what could happen. I feel somewhat strange because I can think of SO many secrets I have kept from everyone in my life; they're just woven in and the blanket is still warm with them. I don't know exactly if that's good or bad, but it's me. I don't know if I'm "meant" to live a "double" life or not, it's just been that way ever since I can remember.
So here goes....

  • I feel like she's watching me ALL the time so I constantly correct what I say, do or write.Before I began to explain to you what I had corrected in the sentences before, but I couldn't because then I'd have to tell you what she doesn't want you to know.
  • At least once a day I consider suicide. Just to see how others would react to my death. It's not that I lack attention or something, it's just ever since the incident with Nick Browning I like to ponder what the school would do if I died. Who would come to my funeral. Who would fake their friendship with me. Which family member would wander into my room first to find some sort of clue or to recollect. What my family would say about me. Who would understand me? And most importantly what or whom would drive me to my boiling point? Why the hell would I die in the first place?
  • At school I am the most different person I have ever known. I don’t even know myself, well I do, but the kid inside me definitely doesn't. I am outgoing, free and smart and thin and happier. I can't really say the same for myself at home. (It's so emo, but I'm not laughing. It's really how I feel. That's why I love school so much)
  • Every time my mom yells at me I imagine myself jumping out my window, onto my roof and soon off of it, she would want me not to, and for that second I would feel important.

I know I have more, but I don't think the Internet is their bell jar.

3.07.2008

My 200th Post

It is currently raining, and I feel inclined to go outside and exercise, but it's freezing. I'm thinking that it's bizarre to feel more inclined to step outside my house on a rainy day rather than a perky sunny one. Just like how the TV is more captivating without sound than with it.



It's hard to say something that people may want to actually read. I have no idea what people really want to read, seeing that I really don't like reading. It really is boring. Following line after line of a blankly colored page. I guess you could say I'm more visual. But would I be more visual in a world lacking as much technology we have accumulated. I mean what would you rather do, listen to your Ipod or read Red Badge of Courage?

3.02.2008

The Real Bitch

I HATE HOW BADLY CHRISTIANITY HAS TOYED WITH OUR BRAINS!

I swear every time I look up at the ceiling I freak because I feel like people will think I'm praying to LORD JESUS! or "God" when really I'm just relaxing. Also, whenever I say "God only knows" I constantly have to correct myself because people take it So seriously; they think I'm fucking Christian and "Godsy" when I am completely NOT. It truly is the real Bitch.

Translate Much?

It's hard to know what anyone is talking about. And I don't mean when people whisper or mouth something to you and you don't understand them even after the, like, 23rd time. What I'm talking about is, that it's so hard in understanding why people do what they do. Why do they not talk to you as much anymore? Is it because I said "jew" instead of "Hebrew" or a "jewish person," or is it because my ass is fatter than them? (if that's the case then they must be anorexic). Or how bout when someone changes their plans. For a split second the thought that they don't like me, races through my head but then collapses. But then I try and try to understand why they would. By the end of my thought process, I usually ponder them spending time with their boyfriend, being sick, or having it be that-time-of-the-month (REBA TIME!).

3.01.2008

Sorry*

I realize that reading long posts are annoying and I'm sorry but sometimes I just can't help but go on and on..... and on.

Weather

I like to wear sunglasses when I write my English papers but never for French; I can't see the words as well in French to begin with. Especially with my 60's ones that all the hippies wore; when I wear them, I feel like I'm working at night or when the power goes out. Sometimes I light candles when I wear that specific pair because it allows me to imagine settings more clearly, even if it's completely bright out. It just makes me feel cozy like the people in movies that read books by their fireplaces in that little nook in their houses. And their feet settle into warm snug socks rubbing on their carpeted floors as the snow, sleet or lightening gallop over their roofs.
Before I write any papers on the computer, for some reason, I like to widen my margins. I hate, despise, and detest one inch margins. As lame as it may seem; they make me feel fat. I prefer about a 1/4 inch perimeter around my rampaging research project, cumbersome creative pieces, and my downright shameful speech. One inch margins are like adding a double chin to a model or cutting a good song short. Or the same to a rainy day; if the rain pours down harder or longer wouldn't a larger rainbow appear after? Why would you jip all those viewing a beauty stricken sky?
What if a crazy jealous aunt locked their nephew in a tower awaiting their freedom until a "perfect" rainbow stained the sky? That nephew, I'm sure, has seen too many "bad" rainbows and deserves his freedom. Love could possibly never spatter on his blank bland canvas. It's not only he whom would suffer, but mysterious others who could possibly never find love beyond the nephew of the insane old lady. That unlucky person could be the one reading by the fire in their snug socks. Fortunately, crazy jealous aunts don't usually become this insane without a lifetime movie being made about them first nor can they control the weather. Thank goodness. But what about everyone else whose lives could be saved by just a simple rainbow? What about that girl who has never seen one before but read about them? What about that boy who has cancer and his whole life has been rained on with guilt or pity? Lastly, what about that woman whose husband abuses her and needs a sign from "God" to leave or take action some how? Why shorten your pages when more can be said?

2.29.2008

I Am the Eggman

"I am the Eggman, they are the Eggmen. I am the walrus. Koo-Koo-Kachoo."

It's so annoying how this randomness, doesn't make ANY sense, and how I could make up some sort of shit and it would be god-awful. Well, I guess they built up momentum and whatnot; I mean were The Beatles. But, if anyone else had done that, I don't think anyone would "give a shit." Just like if that movie Across the Universe was based on any other bands music, again no one would give a shit, and it wouldn't have gotten as great of reviews as it's gotten. I do think that is as good as anyother film if not better, but it definately didn't hurt that it was based off Beatles' songs

2.28.2008

Addition to that last one..

It's so hard to decide where we want to go after we die or if we go anywhere at all. What if nothing happens, but we won't even know when we die because we will have died. So, I like to think that we're going to be reborn even if it means waiting nine moneths in someone's womb and not even remembering it. And if it means we won't remember anything until we learn how to speak or our eyes finally connect with our brains. I don't care I know for a fact that want to live again, I don't want to nostalgically stare down from the skies at Earth wishing to be there, or living in the past. Well, if I even have a choice that is.

2.27.2008

My Own Theme

Human kind is rather greedy. Clearly this is valid, I mean look at global warming, businesses (the list goes on) but what I'm talking about is the whole afterlife brouhaha. All we do is think ahead, I think I can state that most people first worry about where they will end up when they die, rather than be grateful for the fact that they are living. I believe that what you believe is where you will end up, and I want to believe that I reincarnate because I too am greedy and want to live forever. I want to know more about the world.
I think that people are so fixated with death that forget birth. I like to believe that I was a Buddhist in my past life which propelled me into reincarnating, which is what I hope to do because I am so afraid that nothing will happen, because humans have to be afraid and curious and worried. It's in our nature, unfortunately.

2.24.2008

We Are Doomed.

Earlier I said "My face is screwing up!" Which got me thinking; I sound like I'm talking about a car or a computer, but I'm talking about my wretched dry skin. It articulated the idea that technology could be leading us to corruption. We are doomed because soon everything will be wired and those things that once had cords are going to be wireless. And I mean everything, from a tooth brush (already been done, actually) to a how we blow our noses will be hitech and CrAzY. So, perhaps in the future, even our faces will be hiding behind a screen that pictures what we want to look like. Acne will be unheard of and all uniqueness or what some people call "ugliness" will be annhilated. Plastic surgery is already a waste (unless you're a burn victim or defected at birth), I hope our world doesn't completley deconstruct because of our technology!

2.23.2008

REGRETS

While chatting online with a close friend, she drove me into a corner where I had to think about all that I have done that causes me to regret. Basically, I realized; I realized I have a lot to regret and I am only 15. It's not like their STD's or rape or anything like that; they're minor things that have manifested in my brain for many years. But the fact that I can't get them out SCARE ME!!

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

2.22.2008

Teachers 101

There are few really talented teachers in this world leaving the rest to be either utterly awful or somewhere in the middle which is usually worse (they are INCREDIBLY BORING!). The profession seems simple; plug in a video, have kids take notes, have 'em take a scantron and grade it. This spectrum is seen through the eyes of a child who has far too many "bad teachers." DA DA DA! Everyone has/had a teacher who just lets the class watch movies throughout the year and then around April or May they attempt to cram all the curriculum has instructed. I know I could name a few like that. Another bad type of teachers are those who try to teach the kids so much that it becomes TOO much. Thus half of the class has dropped out by December. I think I know a friend in one of those classes.
though there are so many awful teachers, there are also AMAZING ONES!! The ones you know you will never forget even if you lose your year book. The key to their success is being the superior at all times but still maintaining a likable subtle friendship. Example: Hippie art teacher- you know not to fool around in the class or skip, but she let's you to with art (well not skip art).
My favorite teachers are the ones that plan in advance the lessons. The ones who really care about their students and their job. The ones who you know put effort into the worksheets, lectures, comments on writings and samples. The ones who are passionate about what they wake up to do everyday. Their excitement is your excitement. They are the people who are interested in what you have to say which makes you interested in what they are saying. It truly creates a special bond between teacher and class.

Favs so far:
Boston-- so far, I've only had him for 1/2 semester
Garbooshian--- only had for 1/2 year also.
Bullough--- only teacher I've had fully and agree that he was passionate to say the least.
Hiaasen (one could argue that I'm bias but I watch her work hard every night; grading papers, making plans for the upcoming week. Also, she constantly talks about what great students she has and how "blessed" she is to have them, so clearly she cares.)--- I've only had her officially for half the year also, but in a way I would argue I've had her for 15 years.

The sad part about this is that I can only come up with four throughout my eleven years in school (counting pre-k). ouch, America.

Looking

After reading my new favorite, "heresay," I sat back on my black pleather chair and wondered; what do I really look like?
What is really on the outside? I know somethings I say have slipped illegally past security and drain others around me. When that occurs, I either make fun of myself or (which is MUCH worse) I don't realize it till later, much later, like "too late" later or "wow, you screwed up" later.
So, I don't know what they really think but sometimes I'm sure it's a possiblity that they (people at school or at home) hate me.
The worst is at home:
I talk to myself, mostly in incorrect French, before I fall asleep at night. I wonder who listens. I know only my mother has taken French, thus only she would be able to translate it, but sometimes English spills out. Last night my dad slept in the room next door, which is usually empty because my brother is at college. Instead of sleeping in his room, he slept in Ben's. I was completely unaware of this until this morning, and last night I spoke to myself in English. I hope he didn't hear anything. It's not like I'm coming out the unknown closet or something; it's just I replay moments of the day/week/my life in my head and, sort of, relive them. It really is fun; I think of new things to say to people; it's rather nostalgic, though.
So, at the same time that I am chatting to these people, half of me, sort of, stands watch to identify all the outside sounds and make sure no one may hear me.

Some days I feel as though I may be losing my mind, or even worse; becoming a Schiz.

at school, I am completely different; I could be classified as normal there. Well, up to yesterday, I declared myself half normal. But since yesterday, I'd say that I am becoming only 1/4 normal; I let something slide out of my mouth. I spoke to myself and it was scary. The moment I heard myself say it, I immediately began to hum a tune to somehow cloak what I had just uttered. It's frustrating really because it's so relieving, but at the same time frighteningly unorthodox.

OH, and I'm lazy; to top it all off.

2.19.2008

Time

Another great, if I dare to be so bold, example of where a clock should perch. Clearly not in your living room, it has settled itself in between the fingers of a tree. Sure, not everyone looks at trees but children may from the back seats of vehicles commanded by their up-bringers. Or perhaps ants and insects need to know how much time they have left in their day long lives. Or should we know time? I know some people who need structure but others just may not. They bodies could've installed a reliable body clock that needs no assistance. Or how about those under the "normal" IQ and can barely even remember what a clock is. They seem to do fine, well I guess with help of others, but without a sense of time they seem to have survived/ are surviving.

2.18.2008

Clocks Everywhere


I wish that clocks would be everywhere. They clearly are the most useful tool mankind has ever made. I constantly need reminders of what time it truly is, not what someone spits; "Oh, around 5" and then it's really 4:15 which, well at least in my crazy perspective, is far, far away from five. So perhaps on the sidewalk or on huddled in your little mailbox cove would be a perfect home for your morning and afternoon clock. Perhaps sidewalk or ceiling would be good for your dozing clocks that give your eyes something to stare at as boring professeurs try to enhance your geometric skills or while your overly confident boss gives you a lecture on how you should properly fill out god-knows-what-kind of "death" report. And lastly a clock settled in your refrigerator or treadmill because we all know Americans love to eat and once they finish, if they defy the lazy laws of most American cities, they run like there's no tomorrow. It takes about 30 seconds to entake more than 300 calories, and it takes about 30-60 minutes to burn them off. Wow.

The Color Black

With every group of friends there is ALWAYS someone who resembles the color black. By that I mean somehow they overshadow everyone and no matter the amount or the diversity of ther others; they are never off-game, I guess you could say. It's rather annoying actually because everyone wants to feel confident or at least be good at pretending to be, and it just makes everyone jealous, not to mention me, because I just have to be so humane. Anyways there are two types of blacks (IM NOT BEING RACIST), one who kills the moment with everthing they say whether it's good or bad, they just kill it, and the other is the one who mixes with everyone and leaves there mark while doing so. Either one is threatening.

Senario 1: Jack, let's say is the color black, and he comes to your party and after everytime someone tells a story, he tells a "better" story afterward. For example, he says after someone shared a story of falling in the ice, he says: "Oh MY GOD! That same exact thing happened to me, but worse.." and he makes his story like the slightest bit different just he shows more enthusiasm in his voice. AH! IT's SO annyoing!

Senario 2: That cool british friend that everyone has, or, more importantly, wants to have. After, let's say, three hours everyone once in a while pipes out a few sentences or words in a British accent. Crazy.

2.15.2008

A Perfect Afternoon and Vacation

I want to sit in on a funeral and see what the person was like. Like indirect characterization in a book. I want to know what they possibly could have contributed to the world and to others;I want the full rough copy of their character sketch. It would really make a perfect afternoon. I feel like half the time, I'm more concerned or just curious of others' struggles and lives than my own, but that's better than being fixated on myself and complain every five minutes.
Also, I also really want to read other people's case files and learn about disorders with no cure or just spend five or so days in a mental facility. THAT would be the BEST vacation EVER! I would learn SO much about people. I believe that in order to become a better person, you should learn more about others even if they are mental.
Lastly, listen in on other people's therapy or listen to their AAA meetings. There was an episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fey's character, Liz Lemon, was given the choice, sort of, to either stay and watch Floyd, her upcoming boyfriend's AAA meeting or not, and she did. Now, I can see why people would say she should have respected the privacy of him and the group's, but on the other side, she made the selfishly right decision. Who doesn't like to gossip? It's just like that. It's like watching Desperate Housewives except without the annoying red-headed bird lady.

2.09.2008

Tomber Amourex

I all of a sudden wanted to hitch hike to the country of France though a very large lake was in between me and it. I guess geography was the large force against me and my love for Paris. It makes me want to write a sonnet about ma vie en rose though there is a 56% chance that that doesn't make one tid-bit of sense, but ols' well. I've always wondered what type of English do French kids learn. Do they learn our American (toxic) English or do they learn British? I guess it makes more sense for them to learn British English because it's closer to them, but we learn Canadian French though I don’t know/understand the difference. But for the time being I'm completely 100% addicted to La Vie En Rose. ANY form of it, well any form BUT the original. For some reason I'm not into the true French stuff, seeing as though I'm not truly French. I'm just as French as the next champagne in the ten dollar bottle. But whenever I see that $150 bottle I just want to melt into one of its glasses and have it drink me, and ship it back to France with me still inside it. So, I'll be locked inside it forever. I think I have fallen in love. I get clammy just saying that. And I'm sure my cheeks have just blushed because I've always thought I've been in love, but I'm never really. She is, of course, any sign of the French speaking world. For some reason the language just turns me on. And when I say turns me on, I, of course, mean I want to take a thousand photographs, or I want to write a thousand poems full of nothing but the words you and me. Thus in the end, I will die as a part of France and always a part of France.

2.06.2008

Pretty Rough

I was there for ten hours today. School is all I need. I don't need my home to get me drunk with all the demands of me in this world I've created. All I need is school; my never never land. They tell us that we will go to college and the work will get harder, and it has but I don't feel any different which is simply perfect. I only want a forever lasting school day where hope and optimism is synchronized. That sounds REALLY cheesy, but it's true. All I hear at home is "you better work hard" or "don't eat that unless you wanna get on the tredmill" and really, all I want to do is jump off my roof and NOT DIE just pretend that I did and see how they would all react. Or, run away for a few days, as I wish I did in elementary school because nothing mattered then.

Personally, it's worse being constantly judged by your family than peers, though that could be pretty rough too. I'm not going to go into great details about it because I'm sure you can imagine an example of your own.

All to Mourn

As the time of grief for the Browning family has passed, I feel as though it is time to look into perspection of Nick Browning: the son, the brother and the murderer.
Clearly, he was insane. How could a sane person kill their father over seemingly petty conversations with their father's handgun. And after kill their mother and two brothers while sleeping. If you think about it, the person who killed these loving people was someone else inside. Someone else inside that hadn't dissolved over the years of punishment and scolding from the parents. Thus, the Nick the people in the neighborhoods and schools see didn't kill his family; the Nick that manifested inside him did and one day mustered up the strength to kill those whom bothered him. It's a virus. Obviously he needed help, and no one gave it to him.
I not only mourn the family and Nick's old sane self.

2.05.2008

Kids! Look at the Water!


"kids! Look at the water!" (quote from my dad, who every time we passed over a bridge over water on our drive across the country (US, that is) would say just that with na equal amount of enthusiasm each time.)
Luckily, I refrained myself from saying it when roaming around the peer this night, though I wanted to.

2.04.2008

Character Sketch: Seven Year Old Daniel

Nothing had jarred his senses at this pinnacle before. His whole face was disgruntled; a frown for the mouth, a furrowed brow, a soggy eye and redness in between. Emotions were confused with no map; there were too many to maintain and his boggling mind had no other mannerism but to crash. So there he sat pondering in awe on his kitchen floor beside the cupboard below the metal sink.
Sure, I've seen Dad cry like this before; Great-Uncle Pete's wedding. But he hadn't. His father wasn't known to cry often at all, and neither was Daniel.
From the ceiling of the kitchen, rumbled the footsteps of his father dragging his feet on the wooden floor. For the remainder of the hour, Daniel sat listening and counting his father's footsteps scraping against the floor. At his father's hundred and first step Daniel pulled himself out of the puddle that had accumulated beneath him, and walked out the front door into their yard. He perched himself on the grass laying his sweatshirt, which he had taken off, on the grass creating a target where his head would ly. But before he lowered himself he looked off into the neighboring yards;
He scanned Mrs. Denson's yard for her cumbersome Pug named Frodo to play with, but no good. He must be at the vet. Daniel concluded because she didn't let it inside the house too lazy to potty train him. Daniel turned his head over to Mr. Walker's fence where bunnies usually roam, but there were no bunnies today. The foxes must have captured them. Frustrated, Daniel shifted himself for the last time to search for his older neighbor, Shelby's award winning roses. He finally found them behind the humongous hydrangea bush practically empowering them. But none the less, one blue rose bush penetrated through, illuminating the spectrum. Its branches scraped her white house every time the wind blew.
After his retina enjoyed the effulgent colors, he lowered his back and hard onto the floor of his bosky yard. Instead of blinking profusely to adjust to the light, he tied his arms around his face leaving only a single crack of beaming light that muffled to a slight glow. He sat and gargled his thoughts. Swish Swash Swish Swash. Daniel could see himself holding her hand across the street as they walked home from the grocery store. Her hand was always warm but not clammy. She was very tall; Daniel always pictured her fighting the bullies if they came around. He wasn't safe without her. Daniel convinced himself never to make the mistake his she did even if it meant never crossing a street again. His mind burned with rejection.
Daniel curled his legs up to his head allowing his chin to rest on his left knee. In the morning, Momma will be back.
Daniel didn't know that she was never going to know, so he awoke to a sunrise with no one but Frodo and bunnies.

2.03.2008

A letter to Mrs. Tina Fey

CONGRADULATIONS, TINA FEY!
you've won your first trophy (I guess you could call it that) for acting. I know I'm really really reallly late on this news that isn't really news cause it isn't knew, but oh well. I could say; I'm fashionably late because you, Tina Fey, are fashionably awesome.


Good Luck with all projects you may be working on, whether it's how to cure the common cold, cancer or simply making a new ep. of my favorite show on TV 30 Rock. Keep it real.

sincerly,
Ivy Ribbon (only a fan, clearly i dont really know you, but olzz well.)

1.27.2008

Fake= "Hot"

Ok, so I'm watching vh1's Red Carpet Beauty Crisis. So number 1 is flipin being pale!! I think pale is SO much hotter than being fake and artificially tan. No one actually earns it anymore, and it is so much attractive if it is natural. I mean what does that say about your character? YOu can't earn anything on your own? well, i guess I could say that about Paris Hilton.

1.25.2008

This post contains explicit language and Adult Content. only read if you've matured or if you have a curious mind.

"I cannot put into words how big of a dick you are"
"Fuck you cunt cow"
----- I read this in one of the stalls of my high school- I think in english, instead of reading Crim and Punishment, we should read these. They're far more interesting and have a more fasinating plot line than anything I've ever read in school.

1.22.2008

The Mystery of Paul Reubens

Paul Ruebens, or Peewee Herman, has always left me in puzzlement. Whenever I hear the name, I think of a heavy-set African American dude that further reminds me of a teddy bear. Paul Ruebens is the direct opposite of that; I mean he starred in "Peewee's Play house", had a guest star on "Rugrats" as Hermie the elf, and was an Austrian, crippled Prince who has a plastic hand. No roll he possibly plays is even near a large African American who could possibly be in J-Z's Entourage (or mine, while we're on the topic). So what about Paul Reubens could possibly lead me to this inference? Is it the fact that that American Idol winner had a similiar last name as he or could it be that he pulled a Michael Jackson and had a skin tone change? Either way, it remains a mystery, and damnit it must be SOLVED!

Lead Me to this.

Heath Ledger was found dead recently and the cops infer that it was a suicidal action; the evidence being an empty bottle of sleeping pills next to the body. It's sad. Really sad. It's always sad to hear of a suicide especially from someone so young. It's difficult to grasp the concept of literally wanting to kill yourself. I'm sure almost everyone has considered it at one point, but when you actually think about it; long and hard, that is, it just is infallible. The idea that we each are 2 dimensionally breathing and at one point you won't. You turn black; the scarest part of anyone's life. Sure, you think you're going somewhere after death. But that would be after death. How long does death take? And what if there's nothing after? Everything we ever worked for is worth nothing and everyone we cared about no longer sparks emotions or thoughts. For all we know, we were alone in space with no sound or life.

1.20.2008

That Chandelier


Often I feel as though I am dragging this along, this being the memories from a childhood I regret and miss at the same time. A childhood that was pretty at the time, but after a few years kind of outdated itself. For example, the memories of holding hands while crossing the street or the memories of playing with Barbies* with my sister and next-door-neighbor. The memory of crying the first week of 1st grade because I was without my mother for oh-so long. Or perhaps the memories of innocence of the world that we were yet to live 'in'. So, as expected, the memories that I love, I want to Cherish forever, but the bad ones have come to haunt me. For example, being afraid of the movie "Who framed Roger Rabbit?" and knowing that it still frightens you seeps into your mind without mercy and somehow corrupts the moments you spend after you just briefly flashed back on that awful movie. It was just a movie, I am fully aware of the fact, but the fact that you and I (probably) cannot possibly bare is that our weaknesses/fears from 10, 20, 30+ years ago still somehow inundate our happiness and haunts us until the day we succumb to the Earth. Thus, no matter how hard we try to pull that chandelier into the car to drive to the dump it will just keep pulling back and we'll be motionless as the stones, rocks and dirt below us.

My best Secret So far.

I wonder if there are people in the world who are so sensitive that when their computer doesn't remember their password; they flip out.

i feel like that could be a post secret. I think of post secrets often, but they never apply to me. Maybe that's my secret.

I feel like sending one, but after I make it, I never want to send it anymore. Do you send it in an envelope, even if the envelope doesn't art on it? Because every envelope I see on the blog page has drawings or stickers or something on it. Where is Frank with his answers when ya need em'?

1.17.2008

Writer's Strike: 3 Months Later

Wait a minute, didn't the writer's strike start sometime in November? And isn't it now mid-January? WHy is it still going on???! Come on Big companies! YOu need it the most (NBC)!


I WANT MY SHOWS BACK!!!!!!

1.16.2008

A Gist of Fullfilling a Stereotype

It's funny, there are some people you just know live as though they were sent by "God" or a Polytheistic Deity of some sort, in order to fill a stereotype. Maybe not exactly in "real" life, but definitely in high school (a.k.a. a mental institution for Ass Holes). Sure, you as a student are given the basics; jocks, preps, punks, hippies and the ever-so-popular nerds. And then you are given the chance to decide which to be;
  • a drunken date raper who on the side kicks ass at a sport (usually football)
  • a plastic barbie doll who only shops at Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch and if they're really classy then J. Crew, Oh and did I forget? They are the ones who are being date raped by the jocks then brag about "losing" their virginity the Monday after. Pshh, they didn't lose it, someone frickin stole it from it.
  • a punk who smothers ourslef with black, red or pink (f you're really cool) and never actually make eye contact with people which is considerably better than being drunk off of "vodka" and "Gin".
  • a HIPPIE! who seems all nonchalant and chill with a multi-colored tie-dye shirt and Birkenstock Sandals with The Beatles mixed with Sublime playing in the background, oh and don't forget that "incense". Which is cool, but almost as bad as the jocks because after they get high they go about their lives thinking pot is great for you and is a universal cure for all the troubles in the world; which we all know isn't true.
  • NERDS! The best one on my list (truly the best one), and you know why? Because they have a sense of pride; they know when to work hard and when they do, they create masterpeices, well most of the time. They are the only ones I can say fo sho that don't actually inject into their bodies some sort of toxic substance; they inject knowledge!
    But wait there's more!
    And I'm not lying, because of my favorite type of school system (again not lying), public schools don't mess around when it comes to "clicks". There are three more!
  • (1) Emo/Scene- slit your wrists because of made-up depression and over-dramatized dilemmas plus they, most of the time, listen to Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance, Coheed and Cambria, All Time Low, or AFI (basically screaming about random imaginary troubles of some sort).
  • (2) The Artsy Fartsy kids who I just recently learned do Crack (straight up!). So evidently they do most of their art projects while high. kinda weird.
  • (3) MY ALL TIME MOST FAVuORITE (thanks monkeys who had to make a cd spelling weird) the people who actually know themselves the most; the people who are individuals. It's like fashion, you take a little bit from Prada, a little from Oscar de la Renta, maybe some Target (isaac) and maybe even from Gap and mix it all together to make a masterpiece!

1.15.2008

GOTTYA!

It's unbelievable how much knowledge we go through a day, but we never seem to use it all. I want to know it EVERYTHING there is to know in the world but it seems almost impossible. Some people believe that if you read more then you will learn nearly satisfy yourself, and I do agree but to some extend. First, how do we know if the source isn't subjective (if you want just plain old facts)? Second, what if you were read to? HAH! GOttya! And lastly, what if we weren't meant for all the knowledge in the World? I mean we can't possible fit it all into four lobes.

1.10.2008


I wish that our lives were like this, some days. It would be lovely to know where we are going in life, college, would be a lot easier. Everything about it really, even high school before it. But, I wouln't want to know how I will die. It would be like that movie "Big Fish" where all the little kids go to that witch's house to look in her eye that tells the future, but that one kid regrets it. i mean it's all pride, especially for little boys.

1.08.2008

Here You Go, World

As one could probably infer, I have mixed my pros with my photography hoping that more will join in on the ivy ribbon fun! that is fun! F-U-N!

so here you go, world, take my photos inside your minds and let your thoughts analyze them, I don't mind stains.

1.04.2008

Baltimore CRABSS!!! (go see hairspray!)


Who can possibly hate Baltimore? Sure it's known for its inter city gang violence and cocaine/heroine use but on the other hand IT'S KNOWN FOR ITS INTER CITY GANG VIOLENCE AND COCAINE/HEROINE USE (if you're into that stuff, idk). But, Baltimore is beautiful, it's like a miniature New York City; there are tall buildings just as in New York and there are shops, though not as mod as New York seeing how most of them are thrift or vintage shops. But, also Baltimore has a harbor with our famous Domino Sugar Sign that has been there since the 40's (i think, not sure). Also, what about the Baltimore Hons? It has been a tradition since the 60's and we still have a fesival where people dress up like them and compete for AMERICA'S NEXT TOP BALTIMORE HON.

What does 4004 mean?


I didn't even realize that a paper was on the bottom of the Eiffel tower. But there ya go, this is what the bottom of Le Tour d'Eiffel looks like even though it's just my lamp.

Ivy Up My Chimney


The best part about this picture, in my opinion, is that the color of the leaves leads the viewer to believe that it is springtime, though when I took this picture it was well into Autumn. Also, it kind of looks like the ivy crawls up into the sky, though it is really just crawling up my chimney and over it as well.
Oh, and this sounds quite sketch if you sort of think about it, so yeah... I didn't plan it that way, so it doesn't make me creeepy or anything because I didn't mean for it to be that way.

Another Photo from the Shadowy Playground


I think this is a whirlygig- I know what I took the photo of, but I just don't know the specific name.

Monkey Bars


Everytime my family visits my grandmother, she bakes us about a dozen tins of treats such as peanut brittle, vanilla fudge, chocolate fudge, vanilla dunked pretzels and the list goes on (though none of those really have to be baked, but what ever). So, we each gain about 10 lbs everytime we go. But, we always attempt to not gain weight, so my cousin, sinblings and i walk after every dinner meal. On this occation we had stumbled upon this playground. It was wonderfully lit by yellow street lights and the equipment was twisted and tangled, which produced abstract shadows spilling with beauty. I loved it.

1.02.2008

Horror Fence





This was taken in my back yard, but it feels like it was taken in the Bates Motel grounds (if it wasn't in the middle of the desert) or in another sort of horror film. But, in the essence of greatness I can't say it's the best picture because it is SO digitally altered. So, learn this now, don't digitally alter too many pictures because most of them are so much better than what they could be. It's like getting Botox or liposuction. Sure at the time you think that you look so much better than before but soon it begins to sag (whatever part you have Botoxed) and your stomach starts to look like Donald Trump's disgruntled face in the wind even when you try to suck in. All in all, just do it when you make two copies of the picture, one altered and one normal.


My Keyboard


This is my keyboard now; it's very different from the good ole' days that allowed the manufacturing of gibberish without the virus suctioning you to the screen for hours on end just to recieve and comprehend the information on what the hell it actually is and maybe how to get rid of it. But, it seems I should talk more about the picture I seem to be writing a caption for so that someone can respond to my American opinion. Donc, now days people want you to have ironic accessories or something unexpected to seem old fashioned or whatever. So, as much as I love technology I think that the people who still use the old keyboard without the digitally remastered photographs with the viruses and facebook and other shit should keep truckin. And the people who already use the other, then just stay with it, you're not original so just find something else.


Old Keyboard


This was my great uncle's before he graduated to a PC in 2000. He was a priest, so he didn't receive money very often for a new computer or anything. But when we got one he typed so fast with no mistakes I almost fell on the floor. (not really, but some sort of reaction to that height)