11.21.2007

I wish I Had My Mind

In my mind I still consider myself an innocent perfect child who has an obscure medical issue that holds a lot of emotional pain and a lot of therapy including physical therapy that causes me to lose my hair at the age of 10. I still want to be that person who has something SUPER special. I still want to spell 'friend' as it sounds: frend. And I still want to use the excuse I can't see the words too well, that's why I stutter when I read and why it takes me at least 3 monthes to finish a 250 page book. I wish I was back in the ages where I could cry and no one would think that I was weak and over dramatic. I wish all my friends could tell me their secrets anonymously and that later in life I would find them out, and then a light bulb would go off, and I could feel like a victorious detective. It would be lovely. I wish I could have run home one day in elementary school, because it didn't matter, maybe they could've then sent me to a child therapy and I could paint for them. I could have become the next Salvador Dali. I wish I could retake my life as the teacher, so I could do all the important things somewhat right and all the unimportant (to me) things wrong. I wish I knew where our minds go when we die. I feel like so many options are pulling me in, it's way too hard to decide.

11.20.2007

New York

It's strange how anything that comes from New York we think is perfect, or just awesome. It's as though when we are young a computer chip is stencilled into our brains that immediately highlight or underline anything from New York. Such as, the Yankees, they're always above par, and what about The New Yorker, the magazine that tells the readers the news through comic relief, and through articles. The New Yorker has books of the decade collections, calendars, I think we own cup holders. Because of their majestic power to inhale the viewers stupidity, they could practically bull shit the articles one day and I bet everyone would believe it. Also, the New York Times is just about in the same position: if i were to say that I read about some cancer medication just in I bet if I said it was from the Baltimore Sun, people would be less likely to respond, but if I said it was from the New York Times, then I bet people would jump from their chairs. Ah, the power of the big Apple.

11.19.2007

I'm So Tired of it!

When is this damn WGA's strike going to end? Yes, I know I have already made it clear that I am on the writer's side, but that makes me wish even more that the bigger companies would give in and be more reasonable with their pay towards the writers. Let's not squash the little people, Let them be one and come together as people should have learned oh-so long ago. And I am not just talking about the money or the political party that the BIG companies represent, but the type of people that are buried under the $5,000+ suits and skin. They aren't humans; they share the blood of the animal that feasts in our forests. As the boys in The Lord of the Flies did, these people have lived so long without people telling them what is good and what is bad, they haven't a clue, and they are the ones running our companies. Yes, I agree the strike could have been the only way to "defeat" them, but maybe they just need some soap in their mouths, or some writer's block for awhile.

ps. that quite a big "maybe"

Jazzzzz, zzzzz,zzz, z

Music on my "purchased" playlist is really sucking lately, and I think it's time I clean it out and start focusing my attention on a different genre. Alternative/Rock is nice but it does get boring after a while. Maybe it's time for something with deeper emotion behind every hit, or somehng more casual. Something Beautiful that makes me smile without the certain one line that I like; something that just repeats that great line in different pitches and tones. Something that "just get's me". Something like Jazz. I think people who have anger management issues should spend more time expressing their feelings through artwork or through the tubes/strings of an instrument. Maybe that is the result of lack of creativity. It seems to be the one that hasn't been made into a pill or a patch. I'm not saying that Alternative/Rock doesn't have any creativity at all: just look at Ben Gibbard-the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie and many others, DJ's such as DJ Shadow, Feist and others-- I just believe that Jazz simply has more and truly it takes longer to escape you.

11.18.2007

The Real Inconveniant Truth (?)

When it come to love I know it does hold the greatest portion of importance, but there could also be that fraction that which make seems that marraiges are all for show. This fraction would have to differ within each marraige.
Or love could just be what we tell ourselves; i know it sounds so harsh and coldhearted, but what if it was true. I think it could be feasable; love is spread onto our minds with a thick layer of serenity but also synthetically. It contains so many cliches but then there are also so many things that hold such a great impact on our lives.
I do agree that love brightens life, but couldn't it be one of those matrix things where we aren't really living and we never really die? Emotions simply disguise what we would really see, how we would truly behave, and how we would truly dismantle ourselves from the alive.