I wish I Had My Mind

In my mind I still consider myself an innocent perfect child who has an obscure medical issue that holds a lot of emotional pain and a lot of therapy including physical therapy that causes me to lose my hair at the age of 10. I still want to be that person who has something SUPER special. I still want to spell 'friend' as it sounds: frend. And I still want to use the excuse I can't see the words too well, that's why I stutter when I read and why it takes me at least 3 monthes to finish a 250 page book. I wish I was back in the ages where I could cry and no one would think that I was weak and over dramatic. I wish all my friends could tell me their secrets anonymously and that later in life I would find them out, and then a light bulb would go off, and I could feel like a victorious detective. It would be lovely. I wish I could have run home one day in elementary school, because it didn't matter, maybe they could've then sent me to a child therapy and I could paint for them. I could have become the next Salvador Dali. I wish I could retake my life as the teacher, so I could do all the important things somewhat right and all the unimportant (to me) things wrong. I wish I knew where our minds go when we die. I feel like so many options are pulling me in, it's way too hard to decide.