Memoir: "A Little Too Much"

{this was just a piece I wrote for my creative writing class, which I adore. Just wanted to share it with the net}

I don't quite remember the date, or how tall I was. But I definitely remember the drive from my grandmother's house to the church. I'm sure Granddad posthumously pesters her for not giving him up to science.
I don't remember what I wore or what anyone else did. I do remember, though, wanting to sit down, alone. Everyone was all over me. I know they cared and I respected them for that. But still, I just wanted to breathe, exactly what Granddad couldn't do anymore.
Perhaps that was why he had had the heart attack because of our family. Great. We solved the mystery. That might have been the worst part of all; not knowing why it happened. It wasn't really the constant crying from my parents, siblings, and assortment of relatives. Nor the awkward empty room that Grandma assigns us to sleep in every time we visit. We still call it "Granddad's office".
From the moment Grandma asked me to touch the body that once consumed Granddad, I was enlightened. I felt it all; the weight of deformity through death.
I knew of the subject before this, but just barely. Like first-time tress passers who are too eerie to leave their mark. But by their third or fifth time tress passing they graffiti or litter.
In 5th grade we were asked to answer questions such as "What is your favorite family vacation?" along side "What is your biggest fear?" I wrote "Maine" and "dying". So as I turned away practically puking, I began to cry for numerous reasons besides the one at hand. I cried knowing I would be somewhere like this on a similar occasion but the body would be my mom's, dad's, brother's and sister's. On top of that, I cried knowing that I would die as well, and I would be alone without them, if all goes according to birth rate. Oh, it was all too much for an eleven year old.

It's Not What it Seems

Though we had the Day of Silence at the high school I attend, it still seems that if a gay couple were to walk around the hallways holding hands people would stare and point. it's not as though they are equal to a monster with five heads wearing a mock Charlie Brown tee shirt, to be specific.

{psh-yeah, I illustrated that myself...}

true love

After reading that last post, I almost vomitted. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself. But perhaps I am not. I feel like Hollywood has wrecked the word "love" or "true love". Honestly, instead of thinking of a couple who lives practically forever drenched in eachother is like 4th on my list when I hear the word "true love". Before that I think of clueless French college kids who don't really know love but spit out the word every five minutes they're with the person. Then I think of disney love. The fairy tale that never comes true (even that, now, is a cliché). The third I think of the true love that always falls threw; celebrity love.
I think love roams freely with any possibility. (personally I just want to show off my key board mastery with these awesome signs (THAT I DO AGREE WITH). )


♀+♂= ♪
OR
♀+♀= ♪
or
♂+♂=♪

Feelings: Natural or Forced?

How can you tell the difference from what you want to feel and what you are naturally feeling?
There are so many different circumstances in life. For example, I know I should feel stressed for finals, but I am not. I know that by the time they are about to happen I'll try to stress myself out to be concerned and hopefully study, but I won't really feel that way. Here's another one, anniversaries, after the fifth or so, I don't think I'll care that much. Don't you prove to the person you love them everyday? And don't you sleep next to them almost every night? Isn't that a good good enough reward? So, perhaps, we've molded ourselves into thinking we should celebrate something or be excited to celebrate something when it's naturally celebrated every minute.

Top 30 Models of Encouragement from Teacher to Student

1. "That's not exactly what I was looking for but good try."
2. "Almost, you're on the right track!"
3. "That's incorrect, horrible try."
4. "You've deeply insulted me. I can't believe you cannot comprehend this simple lesson. Please leave my classroom. I cannot bare to look at you." (send them to the room Mr. Slainga is currently utilizing for some serious moral beat-down)
5. "What were you thinking? Clearly you weren't."
6. "I can't believe you made it this far in life."
7. "Why do you even show up anymore?"
8. "Do you even have a pulse?"
9. "According to my knowledge, I was certified to teach grades 9 through 12. Why did they give me toddlers?"
10. "Bitch, please" ("Z" snap optional)
11. "Go die.", "Vas mourir" or "Vete a morir" (reference: PGK)
12. "Can you even speak English?"
13. "Just because your name may be John Lockwood; you are NOT permitted to be an over-the-counter/certified asshole." (replace underlined words if necessary)
14. "What are you smokin'?"
15. "Don't let me hear your voice ever again; it makes me vomit."
16. "Good luck at Burger King, biyatch."
17. "No matter what your parents tell you, you will never succeed." (eye contact needed here)
18. "If you cut corners in Gym you cut corners in life."
19. "Did someone hit you with an "idiot stick" this morning?"
20. "You suck at life"
21. "You fresh Turd"
22. "Without you there's no "ass" in assignment"
23. If worse comes to worse, smack them viciously with a ruler, paddle or possibly some hydrofluoric acid. If none are available, throw a larger object towards their face (computer monitor, graduated cylinder, globe, etc.)
24. "The chances of you answering this correctly are as low as me passing you."
25. "I'm 99.9% sure that you're the reason why good teachers quit or retire early. And that other .1% is his fault." (Point to the person next to victim)
26. "You are the purest essence of bullshit."
27. Light the child on fire (*Remember to use the emergency exits!*)
28. "Who are you, Amy Winehouse? You can't skip class to visit the smoker's corner!"
29. "Does being obnoxious take up all of your time or is there some other reason why you couldn't do your homework?" "You can just go shave off your arms with a chain-saw because after that paragraph, you don't deserve the ability to write."