Chalkboard

Everyday, the eraser wipes the chalky words into crazed positions, cleaning some of it but a few stragglers remain. day by day, words and pictures are drawn on and at 11:59 p.m they are erased, and more and more sticks of chalk are collected; some with different colors and other with different shapes and textures. December 31, 11:59 pm. the board is wiped down with a wet wash cloth. the chalk board stays a chic black for moments before it dries, but when it does it goes back to the color it always was; a chalky greyish black. the dirty washcloth was cleaned in the sink where are the remnants inundated the murky water and down the drain into the sewage system and into some remote body of water. the washcloth was put into the water bucket in the mudroom. the chalkboard goes on with its life.

ENGLISH
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
MATH
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
LANGUAGE
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
SCIENCE
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
SOCIAL STUDIES
same.
same.
same.
sam.
ART
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.


it hasn't changed a bit.

She tried before the bath with her wrists and flowers of redness dispersing through the wetness before her mom came home from work.
She tried with the silk clasping around her neck but no suitable knot.
She tried with a swim to an egg shaped rock off from a firmiliar beach, she dove deep but the water carried her up with no nigotiations.
She tried with the reds and blues in the basement and the writing above.

all failures
but is it because she didn't really want to or is it because she didn't have enough time before her mother's return, an army knot stored in her brain, weights attached to her feet and hands, or emotional stability?

We are All Sick

Cancer spreads through the cells to the tissues and organs and hen organ systems. our liver, lungs and brain fail. could cancer somehow spread in everyone's body just smaller in some and so therefore it multiplies little by little at a slower pace.

While reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath i realized that i we are all capable of mustering up the courage to kill ourselves. i know some of us say that we could never hurt ourselves in that way or in anyway, such as pulling off a bandaid from our skin. but we can. we are all strong enough maybe not all as equally strong enough emotionally but physically we all could blindly eface ourselves without one train or car before hand. it's almost frightening.

A Trail of Words to Something Much Different

Sometimes we all feel alone and lost without a trace of a trail to home, or wherever we are staying for the time being. but, other times we aren't lost and we're quite far from it just we're scared and running too fast. i don't think there's ever a moment where i feel like that i'm not lost or not running too fast. the worst part of it is i always forget to dot my i's or just end the word with a whipping line at the end, when i think im really on to something at school or at home. and when i look back at what i think is my "masterpiece" it turns out to be all mush and muck with no meaning, practically in another language. i feel embarrassed when i look back at the day or certain experiences i've had with certain people.
is there ever a way to stop criticisizing or over analysing myself?


(sp)

Right in the Middle

I get the feeling that i might think about death too often and too much. but how can i hold myself back? it's what i am one day going to do. hopefully i'll live long enough to have to wait for it to happen, but it's just a common thing as for me to be thinking about what college i will attend come my 18th year of life and everything after that. i think it would be a much more of a problem if i wanted to commit suicide or expected to live forever and be broken in half by the time i do die. i think both are just as lurid.