Top 30 Models of Encouragement from Teacher to Student

1. "That's not exactly what I was looking for but good try."
2. "Almost, you're on the right track!"
3. "That's incorrect, horrible try."
4. "You've deeply insulted me. I can't believe you cannot comprehend this simple lesson. Please leave my classroom. I cannot bare to look at you." (send them to the room Mr. Slainga is currently utilizing for some serious moral beat-down)
5. "What were you thinking? Clearly you weren't."
6. "I can't believe you made it this far in life."
7. "Why do you even show up anymore?"
8. "Do you even have a pulse?"
9. "According to my knowledge, I was certified to teach grades 9 through 12. Why did they give me toddlers?"
10. "Bitch, please" ("Z" snap optional)
11. "Go die.", "Vas mourir" or "Vete a morir" (reference: PGK)
12. "Can you even speak English?"
13. "Just because your name may be John Lockwood; you are NOT permitted to be an over-the-counter/certified asshole." (replace underlined words if necessary)
14. "What are you smokin'?"
15. "Don't let me hear your voice ever again; it makes me vomit."
16. "Good luck at Burger King, biyatch."
17. "No matter what your parents tell you, you will never succeed." (eye contact needed here)
18. "If you cut corners in Gym you cut corners in life."
19. "Did someone hit you with an "idiot stick" this morning?"
20. "You suck at life"
21. "You fresh Turd"
22. "Without you there's no "ass" in assignment"
23. If worse comes to worse, smack them viciously with a ruler, paddle or possibly some hydrofluoric acid. If none are available, throw a larger object towards their face (computer monitor, graduated cylinder, globe, etc.)
24. "The chances of you answering this correctly are as low as me passing you."
25. "I'm 99.9% sure that you're the reason why good teachers quit or retire early. And that other .1% is his fault." (Point to the person next to victim)
26. "You are the purest essence of bullshit."
27. Light the child on fire (*Remember to use the emergency exits!*)
28. "Who are you, Amy Winehouse? You can't skip class to visit the smoker's corner!"
29. "Does being obnoxious take up all of your time or is there some other reason why you couldn't do your homework?" "You can just go shave off your arms with a chain-saw because after that paragraph, you don't deserve the ability to write."