I CHANGED My Posted Secrets

I'm not really sure if this is a good idea or not to let the internet listen to my secrets because who knows what could happen. I feel somewhat strange because I can think of SO many secrets I have kept from everyone in my life; they're just woven in and the blanket is still warm with them. I don't know exactly if that's good or bad, but it's me. I don't know if I'm "meant" to live a "double" life or not, it's just been that way ever since I can remember.
So here goes....

• I feel like she's watching me ALL the time so I constantly correct what I say, do or write.Before I began to explain to you what I had corrected in the sentences before, but I couldn't because then I'd have to tell you what she doesn't want you to know.
• At least once a day I consider suicide. Just to see how others would react to my death. It's not that I lack attention or something, it's just ever since the incident with Nick Browning I like to ponder what the school would do if I died. Who would come to my funeral. Who would fake their friendship with me. Which family member would wander into my room first to find some sort of clue or to recollect. What my family would say about me. Who would understand me? And most importantly what or whom would drive me to my boiling point? Why the hell would I die in the first place?
• At school I am the most different person I have ever known. I don’t even know myself, well I do, but the kid inside me definitely doesn't. I am outgoing, free and smart and thin and happier. I can't really say the same for myself at home. (It's so emo, but I'm not laughing. It's really how I feel. That's why I love school so much)
• Every time my mom yells at me I imagine myself jumping out my window, onto my roof and soon off of it, she would want me not to, and for that second I would feel important.

I know I have more, but I don't think the Internet is their bell jar.