3.15.2008
The Journey of Enlightenment
It may have been clear in many of my prior posts that I will grow to be a very miserable person, but may I serve it to you on a full platter: I am almost 30% positive that I will grow to be a very miserable person. Thirty percent is much greater than it has ever been for me. After watching the movie "There Will Be Blood", I have had a revelation of humanity and our irresitible want for greed. It has also come to my attention that no matter how hard I try I will always hate myself some way or another, if it is the slightest tint of hatred because of how I said the word "tomato" or how I considered even telling someone my deathly secret on facebook; hatred will always somehow seep through the Eqyptian cotton. I find it very very hard to look at oneself in the mirror everyday; how does one do it? Knowing that someone is always to be in front of you, though there will always be someone behind; they too may gallop ahead. I have never been the winner; I have always been the one to retreat. What can I say? I am a Democrat. I am a fucking Democrat who cannot slap the opponite for everything we've worked for will collapse like a tree in a heavy fire. We as humans will, as the proverb goes, will take one step ahead and two steps behind. I may not ever completely feel "good," whatever that is, I will atleast attempt it; the enlightenment is the journey not the finish.
Abonohu te:
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please please please be happy! I know easier said than done, but I swear you and erin are the two funniest people I've ever met ever and you are both so beautiful!
You should be so proud to be who you are, because even when you feel like you don't know who you are, realize that I think you probably know yourself better than most people will know themselves in a lifetime. And that in and of itself is something to be proud of. You're an individual and you know what you stand for and what you believe and don't believe and I swear it'll take you a hell of a lot further than the people who do what they're told every time, without question.
I know how hard things have been for you lately, and I won't even try to say I know exactly what you're going through but I swear I'm here and so are all your friends and please let us know what's going on, we love you so much!!
and don't forget to look at the bright side sometimes, with so much hate in this world we need the people who can somehow find the love through it all, because when you find that, that's when you find out life really is worth living. Even through all the tough stuff, there is still so much beauty. So, don't forget that as you go through life things will get hard, but I promise you will always have me, ginger, erin, sam, all of your friends, we are here for you to help you find that love and beauty, we want you to be happy and feel loved! As as you said, the enlightenment comes through the journey not the finish.
i totally know how you feel...i feel so lost sometimes, that i get so frustrated...and sometimes the only way i can get it out is by writing...life totally sucks lately...i just have to push my self on sometimes. But, then i think of what could possibly be in the future perhaps 6 or 7 years from now if i take the right steps
so don't give up
you can do it, anyone can...it seems so cliche but its true
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