Vitamin Water+= Hero

It sounds like it could be a facebook group, BUT IT ISN'T! becuase it's in my blog.

but, yeah it's pretty self explanatory: V-Water is awesome, and the reason is because of the bright colour and the white that makes it POP! Some say it's magic but, I would say those people at Glaceau* really know what their doing, like NBC.

Just A Little Reminder

Sometimes when i go down the stairs I sort of lose my thoughts and forget just how to walk down stairs. Some people call it must a brain fart, but I must be quite flatulent. Like I must eat southern cookin' everyday for this just to be a brain fart. But at the top of the stairs I just pause for a moment and wait until it comes back to me, and I start lowering my right foot, just like old times. I wish I would get a reminder every once in awhile; I'm not dumb or anything, I just forget, that's all.

New Year's Resolution

I've decided to actually partake in the ever-so-popular New Year's Resolution. Though, I think most people choose to have one to give them a chance to 'bitch and moan about it. But, I'm doing it because I think I sound ignorant most of the time when I decide to curse instead of thinking of a different, more sophisticated word. For example, just yesterday my brother asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I replied; "I want this bitchin' coat". I could have said so much more! It kills me to think that I have potential to impress people, but I don't think I do all the time because of my language use/misuse. Oh, and I think about 2,000 other people at my high school could use that advise as well. But not everyone. Any who, I have devised a list of words to replace those of scorn.

• By the Hammer of Thor! (compliments to 30 Rock)
• Blerg (same)
• HOLY NEPTUNE!
• ninja
• GOD bless america
• Fungdark
• Shiznit
• Dookie
• mouth breathing apalachian
• mammoth tooth

I honestly cannot think of anything else..... any ideas?

Facebook= CYBER BITCH

I wish I would have published this post a while ago, or at least before the one before this because I would like to apologize to Ivy for my lack of attention to her. I've seem to be overwhelmed by the beauty of another online entertainment system, otherwise known as Facebook.com. Damn, that thing is a bitch. the other day I spent three hours on it! First, I checked my profile, then my wall, then I checked my "superwall", and then I had a friend request. Next, I had to add the addicted to 30 Rock thingy and I of course had to answer the trivia questions, which took me the majority of the three hours, which in turn wasted the majority of my Sunday, because just like any normal person I like to sleep in to about 12:30 leaving me around lunch time to eat breakfast/lunch (wait, that's BRUNCH!), which then led me to the time where I had to avoid any homework as much as possible. But, where was I? Oh, yes I believe I was discussing that "bitchi-ness" of facebook; it sucks you into it like a black hole. only the strongest of willpower can pull you out, and again, like most Americans, I don't withhold that power. The worst part is; I don't even like it. It definitely ranks highest on my CYBER BITCH list.

All of Us

It really is honesty that get's us through the majority of all our issues and dilemmas, although we first lie to get ourselves back off the picketline. but, then again, that lie is the one that got us into it in the first place. i think I'm confusing myself. I only wish that the people who manufacture those lies aren't the ones thrown in Jail or killed for the crimes of someone else. Because those people are all of us. so, really, with this in mind, do we really need to think twice about repealing the death penalty? I think not.

Life

I feel like my creativity is being sucked out of me. As though it is dying of cancer which as we all know has no cure, sadly. I hope that I still have this when I'm applying for colleges, or when I'm at college because that just may be classified as a "debbie-downer" if it was all lost.

It's like the day of my Great-Uncle's funneral and all I could think of was poetry. But I thought of something so brilliant, but I thought that it was selfish of me to not be thinking of him on this sad day. So, I forgot it. Maybe Life takes away all the good in order for us to do things 'right', until we have nothing left, and that's when we die.


I hope not.

Apple Haiku

I peeled the apple
With one successful try, but
I don't like apples

I wish I Had My Mind

In my mind I still consider myself an innocent perfect child who has an obscure medical issue that holds a lot of emotional pain and a lot of therapy including physical therapy that causes me to lose my hair at the age of 10. I still want to be that person who has something SUPER special. I still want to spell 'friend' as it sounds: frend. And I still want to use the excuse I can't see the words too well, that's why I stutter when I read and why it takes me at least 3 monthes to finish a 250 page book. I wish I was back in the ages where I could cry and no one would think that I was weak and over dramatic. I wish all my friends could tell me their secrets anonymously and that later in life I would find them out, and then a light bulb would go off, and I could feel like a victorious detective. It would be lovely. I wish I could have run home one day in elementary school, because it didn't matter, maybe they could've then sent me to a child therapy and I could paint for them. I could have become the next Salvador Dali. I wish I could retake my life as the teacher, so I could do all the important things somewhat right and all the unimportant (to me) things wrong. I wish I knew where our minds go when we die. I feel like so many options are pulling me in, it's way too hard to decide.

New York

It's strange how anything that comes from New York we think is perfect, or just awesome. It's as though when we are young a computer chip is stencilled into our brains that immediately highlight or underline anything from New York. Such as, the Yankees, they're always above par, and what about The New Yorker, the magazine that tells the readers the news through comic relief, and through articles. The New Yorker has books of the decade collections, calendars, I think we own cup holders. Because of their majestic power to inhale the viewers stupidity, they could practically bull shit the articles one day and I bet everyone would believe it. Also, the New York Times is just about in the same position: if i were to say that I read about some cancer medication just in I bet if I said it was from the Baltimore Sun, people would be less likely to respond, but if I said it was from the New York Times, then I bet people would jump from their chairs. Ah, the power of the big Apple.

I'm So Tired of it!

When is this damn WGA's strike going to end? Yes, I know I have already made it clear that I am on the writer's side, but that makes me wish even more that the bigger companies would give in and be more reasonable with their pay towards the writers. Let's not squash the little people, Let them be one and come together as people should have learned oh-so long ago. And I am not just talking about the money or the political party that the BIG companies represent, but the type of people that are buried under the $5,000+ suits and skin. They aren't humans; they share the blood of the animal that feasts in our forests. As the boys in The Lord of the Flies did, these people have lived so long without people telling them what is good and what is bad, they haven't a clue, and they are the ones running our companies. Yes, I agree the strike could have been the only way to "defeat" them, but maybe they just need some soap in their mouths, or some writer's block for awhile.

ps. that quite a big "maybe"

Jazzzzz, zzzzz,zzz, z

Music on my "purchased" playlist is really sucking lately, and I think it's time I clean it out and start focusing my attention on a different genre. Alternative/Rock is nice but it does get boring after a while. Maybe it's time for something with deeper emotion behind every hit, or somehng more casual. Something Beautiful that makes me smile without the certain one line that I like; something that just repeats that great line in different pitches and tones. Something that "just get's me". Something like Jazz. I think people who have anger management issues should spend more time expressing their feelings through artwork or through the tubes/strings of an instrument. Maybe that is the result of lack of creativity. It seems to be the one that hasn't been made into a pill or a patch. I'm not saying that Alternative/Rock doesn't have any creativity at all: just look at Ben Gibbard-the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie and many others, DJ's such as DJ Shadow, Feist and others-- I just believe that Jazz simply has more and truly it takes longer to escape you.

The Real Inconveniant Truth (?)

When it come to love I know it does hold the greatest portion of importance, but there could also be that fraction that which make seems that marraiges are all for show. This fraction would have to differ within each marraige.
Or love could just be what we tell ourselves; i know it sounds so harsh and coldhearted, but what if it was true. I think it could be feasable; love is spread onto our minds with a thick layer of serenity but also synthetically. It contains so many cliches but then there are also so many things that hold such a great impact on our lives.
I do agree that love brightens life, but couldn't it be one of those matrix things where we aren't really living and we never really die? Emotions simply disguise what we would really see, how we would truly behave, and how we would truly dismantle ourselves from the alive.

JUST STAND

What do we do when we fall flat?
What can't we do when this happens? I feel like everyday there's something else i have to accomplish, task after task; it sucks. I know I'm not the only one becuase my parents complain non stop about my sister, my brother and I, there seems to be more and more.
my question is when will there ever be nothing? when will the day come that i dont care about anything
?

American Idol= Tin Farmers

I've come across so many great musicians, and I have been caught pondering: Where do they all come from? Maybe there's a giant chicken or platipus or something that just breeds the them. But, i guess there would have to be duds too, like Clay Aikin and practically all country singers. I guess all the people on American Idol is jus the opposite; a whale that makes normal people who think they are full of golden talent, but really it's like um.... tin.

Is it Ever Really About Love?

After reading A Nectar in a Sieve, (i know it sounds boring just go with me on this)
I have come to the conclusion that people marry who, when or why because of their culture/environment constantly influencing them. People are always bias towards good looks, no matter what they tell you or themselves. I catch myself doing that all the time, what can I say? I'm only human, I am not just a blog looking into the world like a kaleidoscope, constantly changing my view. Also, people especially women, are constantly, drilled or possibly harassed by their peers or their parents on when they will be betrothed/hitched/what-have-you, because women need to get married just in time to be a "HOT MOM", and then some. Then, there's always why. Oh there are numerous reasons; goldiggers that can be on either end (just look at Madonna's husband), shame, hopelessness, even pitty, and sometimes because you think you love someone.
This brings me best to the question: Is it ever really about love?

Crazy Grossity

I just read an internet web page called "beautifulgrace"
I'm sorry, whoever that person may be, but wtf. Why would you name your blog that? it made me throw up in my mouth, (if you couldn't tell, I'm not very Jesus-sentrick), and maybe even perhaps want to burn a cross and the nativity set that my family and I never put out for Christmas, that we commercially celebrate. What is the deal with religion? It's cool and it's funky but it's not fresh and I am all about the freshness in society. I read Vogue for heaven's sake!

A New Teddy Bear

Today my psychology teacher informed us that he had read a story about a man who new sleep cycles and had stalked a group of women for several days who were consistant in what times they went to bed. For about two weeks this man would time it perfectly as to when they went into stage five sleep, which is the deepest sleep you will ever be in in a night, and would climb into their houses and sleep in their bed. he wouldn't do anything sexually with them, he would just crawl in and sleep beside them. He was found when one of the women had a cold and woke up while he was in her bed. she obviously screamed and called the police. He was trialed and is now in jail, but the fact that he got away with doing this for so long without getting caught is quite eye-opening. So make sure your doors and windows are locked, before you go to bed tonight.

Bad Habits

I love how it is so simple to do the wrong action, than it is to do the right action especially when one is confused as to what the difference between the two are in the occation. It really does add something... something.... oh let's say special to my day when people around me continuously commit the wrong action because they believe they are correct. For example cheating on measley homework, bting their nails, chewing the pen I lent one of them and then i go home and burn it.

PostSecret and Its Magic

I've just read that postsecret won the Best Blog award, and I am to the tip of my skull jealous though I know that I would have never won, do you read blogs these days? some blow me away. In honor of Post Secret, or my favorite section of my Sunday paper, I shall promote those golden bastards over there as well as I can, and while doing so, if you few readers haven't noticed I will try my best to capitolize my letters properly.

Why I love PostSecret

1. Rob Hiaasen, who you may find also in Baltimore Noir, of the Baltimore Sun did a features story on them because they live in Baltimore, MD-- who doesn't like Baltimore? who cares about murder rates?
2. We can all relate to the secrets, no matter how different you think your secret is to the world's, PostSecret will connect you to one of there's.

Strike At Hand

I support you, screenwriters who are out there in CA or NY on and off the picketline. I can't say I am entirely in you're position seeing I don't possess the jobs you hold, but hopefully someday I will. That gives me even more of a motive to support and hopefully provoke people to support the strike. So, people who aren't necessarily involved with WGA, here is what you all can do (god, that sounded so trite!, just ignore my cheesiness) STOP watching your favorite shows on the internet while the strike is going on because more money is sucked into the big businesses and the actors who didn't adlib them; they were given a script WRITEN BY THE WRITERS who aren't getting paid squat for these numerous "webisodes" and blogs they have for their characters. So, for the time being I gently ask you to not go on the websites that yes, I agree, are very addictive, for the time being.
Our writers give us our favorite shows, our actors and actresses simply deliver them, why shouldn't they be paid at least equally?
oh and...
Hats off to you, Tina Fey, Seth Myers, Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert, Greg Daniels, Paul Uberstein, Mike Schur, B.J Novak, Kelly Kapoor, Rainn Wilson, Steve Carrell, Julia Louis- Dreyfus, Maura Tierney, John Stamos and all others on and off the picketline who support/are supporting the writers guild of AMERICA. (no Texas 'out-on-da-range' accent on America, just straight up America)

Writers' Realm

When i write i don't care as to what i listen to, as long as it isn't someone i know, such as my mother screaming at someone in the house. But either way, it is lovely; i feel like I am numb except for my fingers and they just combs wildly through the tresses of my thoughts catchng and onlocking knots and messes.

Negativety of the World

I write with it on my fingers everytime, well most of the time. so, i am going to try and be positive. life is beautiful and there is a lot to write about that is good in the world, but there's more bad. i feel like the world isn't an oyster, and it is more like a pill that we must swallow in order to birth, die and everything in between. but some people take bad trips when they take their pills and the earth seems to fall off the orbit and others just seem to believe that no one else exists.

The Old vs. The New

I know in the old days that kids were hit with rulers, maybe paddals, or maybe rediculed by the instructers, and that obviously gave children a reason to be afraid. now days, the hurting usually is caused by what we see or what could possably happen, and or other kids. the kids who daily visit the "smoker's corner" who wear those black pants with chains connected to them, and smother their eyes in black eye-liner. they scare me hlf to death, i know most of them are really sweet, but come on, i feel like a five year old everytime i first see them because i jump with fright.
It doesn't stop there, some male teachers, oh you know where i'm going with this, need to step away from those slutty girls that just happen to always sit up front. gross.

The New Language of America

When foreigners come to America becuase of over immigration and just teenage laziness they'll have to learn THREE languages; English, Spainish and AIM/FB speech.
so gd lckw/tht. ttyl! (turn around and heel kick like a peppy scottish school girl if she was in a heel kicking contest)

Sundays

The wrotting smell seeps in through the nostrils as soon as the senses awake from unconsiousness and recognize the morning air. they recognize the Sunday smell: "the day of worship", definately not the "cat's pajamas" and FAR from "the bees knees".
I would try to be more poetically strong when i say this but really Sundays don't diserve it and frankly i'm surprised that i've even be capitolizing it. whether you must go to church early, late or later you still have to go. thank goodness my parents decided to spare us from the crazed lunatics that happen to run every church orginization condensed on this land mass.
But it doesn't stop there; homework. there is never time for the occaisional blog post, especially when there's wold history to be done! oh and then after that there's certainly enough reading of pointless books about arrranged marrages to go around. "do you want fried crap with that or just a crock o' shit?"
finally, the guilt banging on the brain for NOT working hard enough. god its a bitch.

word to the wise

Instead of reading the paper in the morning, i read nbc.com in hopes for a new entry from Jack McBrayer and Tina Fey. But, there never seems to be one!
But yes, today in my findings i read a comment saying something along the lines of good luck this season and i have prayed for you and your daughter and your husband. WHOA! HOLD UP!!! "PRAY FOR YOU !!!!" creeepppppyyy to the MAX! (max steel) but OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT! that is soooo weird, A you don't know these random kids and they could be GANG MEMBERS to idk.... k cubed. crazy.

no wonder there hasn't been any updates lately!
word to the wise, public, don't write creepy messages on websites of celebs that DON'T KNOW YOU!

Life would be SO much easier if ...

Everything had a number i could dial so that when i lose it i can call it and find it because it will RING!
The answers to the SAT's were in MY hands... .... if only if only
If i had the ability to shrink people, so i could put them in a box and finally look down at them the way i want to!
If weapons were never invented so real wars would be fought like real men and real women
If there were no race issues and no gender ones either.

The tree's branches breaking into more branches until only twigs are left
To feed into the clouds above.

Only, I, one of those tangled twigs
Knew the answer?
Not possible
Though I thought I did
No, wait, I didn't
I did not know the answer
How could I?
A mere literature
Not a reader
Just one who studies
Never good enough, only if I read more
Oh, but I did, the answer was that Tonio was torn between two sides of himself: bohemian and bourgeois because his father was a mixture of the two as well as he, and his mother was strictly bohemian, leaving Tonio in distress.

So I could have gotten it wrong,
Thank goodness I didn't answer
I could have gotten it wrong.

Where are you world? why have i not found you yet??

Time Isn't the Bastard

That saying "time goes by too quickly" is quite narrow minded, the person who ever first said that must have been the largest "party animal" of whatever century it was. time does in fact go by quickly but maybe we should be the ones to take the blame. we kill ourselves everyday with school, work, nothing, boredom, maybe throw in some math while we're at it. Time isn't the bastard; we are. time is the scapegoat in this crime, and somehow we have gone on so long thinking this that now we have engraved it in there, that brain of ours. peel the damn thing off! I say, PEEL IT!

Maybe That's Just Life

I hate how once we meet someone no matter their friendliness, we always grow to hate them in some way. Friendships are just a colorful fungus growing on a wrotting tree trunk that has nothing to do but decay. or maybe that's just life; we steadily decline, we never incline on our tredmills.

Uvula

Sometimes, yes, I feel like i must resort to compare myself to a Uvula. just chillin there , back of the throat, no sign of interruption, just food scraping the belly. no appologies. just the norm. walk all over ppl who care for others. Yeah that's our world today, sorry Al Gore ya can't help us out with this one.

Sometimes i forget myself.
i let others swallow me whole, like a delectable snadwich running with dressing, though i'm not runny at all, i stand there waiting to be.
I'm not her, you, nor I but i sure as hell not him.
at times i want a title, just to make it easier in a casual conversation, but when outnumbered i prefer me, sort of....

oh you know whom i speak of

I feel like he's there
though he never really is
and sometimes i feel like he never will be.
i wonder if she will....

Where are we going?

If we don't know where we're going yet, when will we ever know?
Thinking ahead always causes some sort of trauma, but, i know what is to come, if it all goes according to plan. My parents will die before me, then my brother and then my sister, then i will. but in between, we're supposed to enjoy it, somehow.
How can we? i know i will be waiting for my last breath. one day i will be standing literally on this earth without my family, being the ones that i have been with ever since April 20, 1992. how could we possibly be equiped for this, college won't prepare us for this day. and if college won't than high school sure as hell won't.
So, how can anyone waste a day, minute or second without a nice thought/memory without them?

The beginning

There he was, on the vacant beach, that I had unwillingly positioned him there many repetitive times before. Allowing the wind to swallow his bicycle, he rode leaving no impressions of his tires on the sand below him. He wasn't wearing his helmet as he didn't that day three years ago. The beach was still. His eyes consumed the fringed spectrum of the viewer's cast. The Fog laid still hovering just over the water that mellifluously flowed through the tires barely. He wasn't sick, bruised or bloodied at all, he was perfect, finally. The man began to mouth three words that bit at the ankles of his son almost every unwakened moment; that bitter breath the man took the second he left the driveway that day: "Watch me, Charlie." Nothing was obviously fine.
A sudden sweep of the bicycle into the air threw the man onto his back into the sand that didn't bother making room for his body. The left arm twisted and cracked behind his back and from that his head bounced onto the ground and broke open. The reaply had been kind up to this point; this had only been seen only one heartless time.
The tentacles of the beach entangled the head, the body and the tires as the dream was delightfully disturbed by a fulmination beyond the vapid scene by someone who was very much alive: "Honey? Charlie honey, time to get up."

Thank You, Time

I was so big
i was so much older than them, and i was "da bomb"?
who says "da bomb" anymore?

I held my head high
though i should have lowered it
becuase of my black tee shirts i wore repetitively
and the same jeans that i had to secretly wash on Wednesdays

I laughed at others
and i let them laugh at her
though she was the one person i didn't laugh at
it still burns in my mind that i didnt do anything

I think i wanted to hate myself
but could never really do it
so, i was big because of that?

wow, time sure does fly
thank you, time

Algophobia- fear of pain
Androphobia- fear of men
Astrachnephobia- fear of storms
Bacteriophobia- fear of germs
Belonophobia- fear of pins and needles
Decidophobia- fear of making decisions
Domatophobia- fear of being confined in a house
Ergophobia- fear of work
Gephydrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges
Gynephobia- fear of women
Aqua/hydrophobia- fear of water
Monophobia- fear of being alone
Mysophobia- fear of dirt
Necrophobia- fear of dead bodies
Nucleomitiphobia- fear of nuclear bombs
Ombrophobia- fear of rain
Optophobia- fear of opening your eyes!
Pediphobia- fear of children or dolls
Phobophobia- fear of own fears
Sitophobia- fear of food
Sopholophobia- fear of learning
Taphephobia- fear of being buried alive
Technophobia- fear of technology
Thalassophobia- fear of the ocean
Triskaidekaphobia- fear of the number 13
Tropophobia- fear of moving

my favs. weird? naw! this is the most fun part of Psychology (yeah, it's capitolized --- meaning it's important!)

Just Another Weapon?

The image wasn't readable, but yet i knew what it read. it was a flock of birds on a curve and only one was distant from the rest. Rather beautiful actually, but it somehow burnt the front of my head, right behind my eyes. No matter how long i squinted, i could never provide proof to my hypothesis because they were so jumbled up and fuzzy. all i held under my microsope was that one bird that flew away from the rest, but for all i knew it was dust on the lense. it almost wants to hurt you, like why we made push pins or needles, not to put things up on walls, or to sow, but to provide another weapon for the common human.

We are each different in the eyes of ourselves.

New York

Ah, the greatest city in the world; it truly is the greatest urbanization in the world. i really can't say anything about it without sounding completely unoriginal or trite, just writing about it makes me feel like i'm writing on a dry erase board that everyone seems to have touched. but, really i think going to college there would seriously be the most exciting thing in the entire world; just being a part of it (oh my goodness: mel torme's song). Because of everything: the rush, the natural high one gets when you simply walk there because you know that oh-so many people have walked there, Katherine Hepburn, Meryl Streep, Diane Keatan from the Woody Alan movies, Tina Fey (capitalized because the full importance level that has been reached), oh and yes, i know there's a bit of a difference between all those actresses and Tina Fey but how can you ever exclude Tina Fey, she's simply terrific and 30Rock is jaw-dropping (that word is used for lack of a better one because there isn't one for 30rock its too amazing).
Oh yes, New York, everyone loves it, the shops, the plays, (not including Jersey Boys sorry, but who really wants to be a Jersey Boy?), the smell of the sewage, the fact that it isn't the number one city for heroine (ehem ...Baltimore), the lights, the sounds, the resturants, the people even; yes even the people who scare me or the people i adore who happen to work there (ehem, Tina Fey) and the amazing fact that there are so many different people there but they all seem to conform into one big pack: the New Yorkers. the fact that anyone one who has gone there, is there, or will go there for their specific period of time is a New Yorker amazies me and makes me want to scowl at the rest of the cities who, somehow, cannot accomplish this.
The "big apple" holds everyone.

I have realized that i have cried on so many occasions that i didn't even need to. the only times ones really needs to cry is when something is really wrong or someone has held a gun/slingshot/knife to your head and said "cry, bitch, cry". if that doesn't happen or if nothing else important happens or that doesn't happen then really why do we all cry so much!?
I cried this morning because i truly don't have much (if any) self-esteem, but no one died, except you know a part of me but that doesn't matter as much as someone else dying; things could be much worse. yes, i know that is completely unoriginal, but really let's be practical and think next time we're balling into a pillow or shoulder and stop ourselves. we are above this; cry for someone or something that is dying, not for yourself.

Then You're a Vegetable

A person once asked me "when do you know life really get's to be worth-wild?"
personally i feel as though that is simply one of the most flat out stupid questions ever to be told except, of course, "who is OJ Simpson?" (family, you know who i speak of).
but in all seriousness, living, what else are you going to do? what else are you going to waste your time doing? wait, you have no time if you're dead, or simply not living, which i have no idea where you would be, so when is life ever not "worth-wild". no i'm not going to say "that's appalling" or "think of the people who don't have lives" (i'm pro-abortion so that seems unfitting) but just ponder where you'd be if you weren't living.... lemme tell ya, i'm sure you're a lot better here than in "hell" or "heaven" or simply rotting in the ground. life is OF COURSE worth-wild. every breath assists you, every movement helps you to get to where you want to go, and if you don't want to get anywhere then you're a vegetable, you're simply a vegetable.

Vacations for Your Feet

We walked and we walked
me, on grass,
she on the sidewalk.
the grass, true was itchy, but not all the time
and once you reach the freashly cut and tended to grass it's more of a vacation for your feet.
sure, i cam home with blisters, but, they were blisters that were earned.
isnt that what life is about

Oh the Joys of Life

The ocean isn't wide enough to express my fears
The river isn't clear enough to drown them either
where the rain won't conquer is where my resolution spawns
and what my eyes can't see is the clearing of the clouds
for i am stuck
i am stuck the sand that is currently swallowing my ankles and that feeling of hopelessness is growing inside, gergiling and growning to which even those outside me can hear its taunting noises. i fly threw it all, but when it really comes time to do it i fail. i fall right smack onto my face where only the Earth's orbit is moving; not me, not my importance, and not even my pail quaking hands that i once had to hold down by squeezing my legs together.
oh the joys of life.

Never Away

My eraser shows all that i wish it would erase. to trash the things that simply displease us is in fact the occupation of the eraser. but, here i am staring into its eyes and letting them stare back at mine. it carries the vagabonds and prostitutes that i wish to never enter my bar or my city; those i wish to never trespass again. but where is it going? no where. it sits there on my desk with some sort of a miniacle grin whispering "never away" like some sort of smudged cd or record that, of course, repeats itself over and over again in the most aggrevating part of the song. i gave it a wash and it still seems dirty, ever since that first tread onto the paper it never will sit there clean again; it will never regain its innocence. it doesn't want to. i wish i could throw them all away, and with them the trash that have stained them. but then the trash wouldn't really be gone it would just be away and continuously go away. just like the smell on my hands; beef on a grill with hickory chips burning below. when i smell it i think of the burger that was decorated with a toasted bun and red ketchup and green pickles; the view won't be as vivid but it will always be there when i smell it. soap can wash it away, but when i go to smell myself i know i will think of how it once was there and it will forever be in memory: never away.

habit

The time is now
we are at a crossraods, always
we drive through it not noticing our flat tire, or our cracked window, or perhaps a broken tail light

we don't stop, never
never to reimburse our tire, window or tail light
but we as humans have the tendancy to do just so,
but we have the power to stop our tendancies and break the habit,
or perhaps discover a new habit, of braking the tendancies

Chalkboard

Everyday, the eraser wipes the chalky words into crazed positions, cleaning some of it but a few stragglers remain. day by day, words and pictures are drawn on and at 11:59 p.m they are erased, and more and more sticks of chalk are collected; some with different colors and other with different shapes and textures. December 31, 11:59 pm. the board is wiped down with a wet wash cloth. the chalk board stays a chic black for moments before it dries, but when it does it goes back to the color it always was; a chalky greyish black. the dirty washcloth was cleaned in the sink where are the remnants inundated the murky water and down the drain into the sewage system and into some remote body of water. the washcloth was put into the water bucket in the mudroom. the chalkboard goes on with its life.

ENGLISH
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
read and write about it.
MATH
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
take notes, practice, take test.
LANGUAGE
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
listen, repeat, practice, take test.
SCIENCE
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
read, take notes and take test.
SOCIAL STUDIES
same.
same.
same.
sam.
ART
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.
watch teacher, follow and perfect, turn in.


it hasn't changed a bit.

She tried before the bath with her wrists and flowers of redness dispersing through the wetness before her mom came home from work.
She tried with the silk clasping around her neck but no suitable knot.
She tried with a swim to an egg shaped rock off from a firmiliar beach, she dove deep but the water carried her up with no nigotiations.
She tried with the reds and blues in the basement and the writing above.

all failures
but is it because she didn't really want to or is it because she didn't have enough time before her mother's return, an army knot stored in her brain, weights attached to her feet and hands, or emotional stability?

We are All Sick

Cancer spreads through the cells to the tissues and organs and hen organ systems. our liver, lungs and brain fail. could cancer somehow spread in everyone's body just smaller in some and so therefore it multiplies little by little at a slower pace.

While reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath i realized that i we are all capable of mustering up the courage to kill ourselves. i know some of us say that we could never hurt ourselves in that way or in anyway, such as pulling off a bandaid from our skin. but we can. we are all strong enough maybe not all as equally strong enough emotionally but physically we all could blindly eface ourselves without one train or car before hand. it's almost frightening.

A Trail of Words to Something Much Different

Sometimes we all feel alone and lost without a trace of a trail to home, or wherever we are staying for the time being. but, other times we aren't lost and we're quite far from it just we're scared and running too fast. i don't think there's ever a moment where i feel like that i'm not lost or not running too fast. the worst part of it is i always forget to dot my i's or just end the word with a whipping line at the end, when i think im really on to something at school or at home. and when i look back at what i think is my "masterpiece" it turns out to be all mush and muck with no meaning, practically in another language. i feel embarrassed when i look back at the day or certain experiences i've had with certain people.
is there ever a way to stop criticisizing or over analysing myself?


(sp)

Right in the Middle

I get the feeling that i might think about death too often and too much. but how can i hold myself back? it's what i am one day going to do. hopefully i'll live long enough to have to wait for it to happen, but it's just a common thing as for me to be thinking about what college i will attend come my 18th year of life and everything after that. i think it would be a much more of a problem if i wanted to commit suicide or expected to live forever and be broken in half by the time i do die. i think both are just as lurid.

I don't know what I'm writing anymore

Down a well, we go. gliding out of the mouths of humanity. we each succumb, one by one, into the blackness where we feel the mysterious beings around us peck away at our exteriors. then we all rise and mesh into different beings. after, no one is reimbursted and we all fail.

I can't stop a sentence without erasing half of it. i feel indisiscive about how to spell that word and how i should write. i know writers get better everyday, but i don't even know if i can consider that as a propper title for myself. i know that i will reach my summit by my last days in this life, but knowing that how does anyone finish soemthing, if they know that that wasn't their best?

What We Forget As We Grow Old

how to measure our shoe sizes
how to tell the truth
how to hold a pencil
how to react to a fire
how to snap
how to listen
how to appologize
how to open our windows and doors
how to feel good
how to be in love
how to show love
how to say no
how to control our fears
how to tame ourselves
how to cope with change
how to be with people
how to be ourselves
that time hasn't stopped
that our parents love us
why we loved the house we grew up in or still growing up in
that we may not get into college
that we once had control of our lives
that there once was a time we didn't bicker with our siblings
that not everyone cares about what we're talking about
that not everone cares about us
That not everyone cares at all
The memories we once saw vividly and now hide under the blankets of others in our mind
how to measure our shoe sizes
how to catch fire flies in a jar to make a new friend

I think I've almost run out of things to say. i don't want to; i want to remember everything i think of, but i'm always too lazy to get out a sheet of paper or a post-it. But, the worst thing is it may come back to me, but i would never know it because i wouldn't be able to recognize that one thought i had however long ago. sigh*

Nonsense

While chatting with a christian, he told me that god spoke to him as a lion in his dreams and that he thought that god loved him very much, evidentally more than others.

first hearing this it sounds like the most rediculous thing i've ever heard, so i asked him how he new it was "god". he said that he answered with the question: "how do you know that a friend is in your dream? I know i can't describe every detail of them, such as how their hair was, their eye color, what they were wearing in the dream, what they said... etc... Would you be able to answer and prove it was them? same with god, i just knew it was him." No one can prove any dream, obviously, and if anyone tried to explain their dreams they seem silly. so maybe those men who wrote the bible had a dream and desided to publish it. just like the Salem Witch triles in the way that the girls framed anyone they didn't like or was an outkast in the town. in this case the men did the same with women and homosexuals. Maybe they were just dumped by a girl and maybe the girls ended up being lesbian or something. But either way, people were stupid enough to believe them, the witch accusations and the much longer ago The Bible. We know so much now. Back then we hadn't a a clue of Evolution and reliegion was the just the easy way to explain everything. we have grown intellectually in the past three centuries, some of us look so stupid. why don't we break off from this nonsense?

I'm not stupid, i'm not stupid

i'm sure someone else has to tell themselves that, it's not just me in the spotlight.

"out of it"

Do you ever just awake from everyday life and look at yourself and things aroud you? those things you do everyday that are engraved in your head to do but you forgot for one moment because you are "out of it" out of your fray?...... perhaps when you're nervous or offended/scared or feel as though you have to compete with someone. this happens to me all the time, maybe middle school i was just "out of it". do we forget how to be ourselves and someday we wake up and just do it?

Bye Bye

If you really think about the words we say everyday, they sound so rediculous. they sound so dumb and weird. like random syllables and random sounds just scrambled together, and if you think like this they don't make sense, like making sense is impossible. if english doesn't make sense then what does? is the world just jibberish? like if you examine one long word and break it down into small words and smaller and smaller what do those small words mean or where did they come from? where did the language come from, what if you said something random on the streets and someone picked it up and just started saying it and it was you were a part of this new word or language. is what we say just music? all things good are high pitched and the bad things low pitched and those high and low pitches just adapted and morphed into different letters and symbols. is music the language of our ancient ancestors?

The Big IF

If only people know who is inside me they would know who makes up me. i feel i am two people, sure this may sound skitzz but dnt think of me think of ivy. i am a person who attacks themselves and lives in between the floor of the upstairs and the ceiling of the downstairs. i have scratches from nothing and no one, i walk on the playgrounds alone and i have some drug addiction i don't know i really have. i skulk and i dont have any real friends. this is ivy. i am nothing. no one reads me and no one cares, they really do, i just don't know that. the other me lives in a normal house and is extremely insicure, just i don't want to show it and i preech to other people about how weak others are, but here i am quivering in a corner with my percentage of ivy thrawling though i dont speak afraid my sister will come in and crack me. So i guess i am three people because one person is comparing the two from their perspective.

Perhaps my Flaws

Why do i get up every morning when i know at one point my throat will start bleeding, or i'll want to kill myself. why? what's the point of getting up everyday when you know you're not this or that and you know you have nothing to give to the world, just another person to feed on its air. i know i'm trapped in a bottle with no flowers in it and no water… maybe some water, just not enough. when i try to climb out, i always run out of steam.

Where did i go? i know i wasn't always like this, but i seriously can't remember a time where i liked myself and when i stick my neck out be afriad that someone will come back with an insult like you're fat or what have you.

things get under my skin a lot easier these days and i miss the days where i didn't care what others thought, and i really did run from school when i was close enough to take the short cut and run home.when i got the chance.

i replay so many circumstances in my head of how i could have acte differently and how i could have stood out more. maybe have the still life be really zoomed in, or walk out of gym class during the rainforest unit with all the setup jungle gyms and sense i never was athletic i hated this and i never partook in it anyway, no one would notice. i also thought of doing a starfish or sea horse instead of the genaric fish that our art teacher made us do paint every year. Or simply not get nervous every time i read in front of the class or did some shit/book report presentation then i'd have at least one thing positive to look back on. i wish i would have broken the fence when there was nothing to lose.

What Am I Doing WronG?

At a family friends' house and i am being polite and helpful, as i almost always am. it was after the lunch/afternoon salade thing which was the most tasty salade i have ever had!, but anyway i had walked outside to get something from the car and 'rehab' by amy winehouse was playing on the radio when i was walking back down the stairs. i commented on the song like so "this song is so great" or "god, i love this song" and then i hear our friend who was a "is she making another snide remark or something?". i was a far away but close enough to hear her. i felt so insulted, it was a negative bitchslap. i try to be nice and i think i am, or am i really like that, making "snide" remarks? God damn it, why are teenagers so insacure?!

Constant Battles

Democrat -Republican/left-right/blue- red/liberal-conservative
CHECK
Dell-Mac (christ! i can't decide)

conformist- non-conformist

left side of brain-right side of brain

netflix-blockbuster rental shit (but no favs...... wink wink)

Religion- no religion (common sense, and willpower)

private school- public school (it builds character............... amazing)

red-green/blue-orange/purple-yellow

math, Science- English and Art

Jusiasm- Christianity

Shiit-TSuni

Good- Evil

everyone else's happiness is my blah blah blah

i wish it would rain everyday and stop every once in a while, so i'd actually be excited for once when it was sunny.

never say never

It's kind of interesting how we want what we are most likely never going to have. i want to finnish a book by 16 and publish it by 17. but that is probably never going to happen.






like duh. right?

Reoccurring Stain

Vacations are great- i love vacations but it's like a LSD "trip" that is wonderful but when you come down from where ever you think you've been for the past houra/day/week you feel almost worse than before you even left. i feel like my face is clean but my insides are still stained.

WOW I MUST HAVE BEEN LIVING IN A HOLE!

Thank you so much richardatdell that was very enlightening. but, seriously it was. i'm not being sarcastic. i was clearly blind before and now "god" has touched me and i am cured.
but yeah, since when have they come in different colors?
and when did they have this camera thing on the comps? i swear i have been living in a hole with some cOmmies, oh! and probably with lil' Mama who's lipgloss, i dare say, is POPPIN'!!!

THANK YOU, T&G!!!!!!!!!!!

my super power

If i could choose my own super power, it would have to be that i could write what goes on in my dreams and what i think about before i fall asleep- while im sleeping. so when i awake i can publish whateveri would find a printed copy of my thoughts next to me. .

Dell vs Mac

It's kinda funny how my mom says that "once you go dell you can't go back". because we have a dell, she thinks they're better. but my question is why my computer has such bad reflexes when my friend's is like amazing? (she has a mac) also, why can it wear white after labor day and us dells can't? Lastly, why do they have to have a built in camera, and we have to buy it seperately? Answer this DEll person!

I hate it when people say to spend your time wisely because you never can. i might be taking it too literally but, it almost leads to suffication. the world is made so that you do things spasmadically. You shouldn't plan your whole life a head of you. also, time goes by better when it goes by quickly because that means you're having a good time.

Math

I am watching Ned's declassified school survival guide. i's very informative and i think my mind has grown more than it ever did than a whole semester f government, and the episode is about MATH!

















hey don't rain on my math parade!

not there

Today, i stood twiddling away on my classwork with my arms and legs shivering, thinking in a few moments she'll be gone. she won't be there, wagging her tail as i walk in. she won't be waiting for me. the only thing that im glad about is that i didn't have to be there.

Ah

It's odd. i don't want to come home anymore. one may reflect this as this saying that my home is a card board box or a unsafe. but in realtiy it isn't. its a perfect size for the fam and it has its nooks in the backyard for me to hide, occasionaly, but it holds memories. the bad ones always overlap the good ones and the good ones pitifully let them without a fight. i want to flee and return once we've gotten over this, somehow. not totally gotten over her, but gotten over crying about her everytime we each say her name, look at her, (now), or just be happy.

Rain Rain Go away Come again some other day

In times of rain, the sun rests behind the cloud. there, it rejuvintes itself, so when it does reapear it shall lay its beauty upon us with more grace and praise it ever had. So, though the rain has shunned it, it will be reobtained sooner or later. as ourselves must do in times of sadness and somberness. we shall remain tall in our darkest of shine.

Simplicity in life is Never Simple

Is life just a one long line to die?

Could it be possible that i was once George Washtington or Poe, Thomas Jefferson or Monet?

When does life truly begin?

Why do we have to change? yes i know that is extremely selfish, but that everyone at one point in time feels this way. a friend or a family member, either way your first impulse would be that you want them to live forever with you, but thenn, of course, you come to your senses and do what's best for him or her. though sometimes what's best for them helps, other times you have to pull the plug. as long as your friend no longer feels any pain and may they rest in peace.

LIVE EARTH

Sally

This post is dedicated to my dog sally. she was my first dog. we got her when i was about three and i was utterly afraid of her; when my dad came home she would go crazy and run around the house with excitement and i would stand on the top of our couch to hide. one night i began feeding ehr cheerios and that was the night that i got over my fear of dogs. she was the cutest thing in the world. she loved swimming; every once in awhile when visitors came or another excuse for the front door to open, she would bolt out and jump into our neightbors' pool. they'd call and ask if we were missing sally and we'd run over to get her. she was the dog who would jump up on everyone and go up and lick you like twenty times. she was so lively. She ate rocks too and then threw them up the next morning; those were her gifts of gratitiude to us, besides her tail wagging practically every moment one of us was around and her kisses and when she would jump on our beds in the morning, afternoon or night. when we blew bubbles when we were young, she'd think we were throwing balls for her to fetch, so she tried to catch in he mouth. she also played in the snow with us and jumped on our backs with all our snow gear on. we'd throw snow balls at her and she'd catch them. we just found out that sally has cancer that started in her spleen, then moved to her liver and now lungs. we have to decide when to put her down tonight. we have another dog, oscar, but we got him after sally, so obviously we would feel just as bad if he died but sally was our first. she was our 6th family member. when i wake up i know i'm gonna want to see her greet me at the stairs and i know i'm gonna want to hear her tail beating against the floor. i know i'm going to cry, i know im going to have to tell her story fifty more times. but, what will we do with our two dog beds and our two leashes and our two dog bowls and our two hearts? will we get a new dog? will i feel the same way about her/him as i did for sally?
But the worst thing is she's still sitting in our family room huffing and puffing.

Gay Pride

RAINBOW

Summer School

So, today was my first day of summer school, and i'm taking health. i hate the feeling of going in and not knowing anyone and you don't know where to go and the teachers assume that you failed something, so they make an ass out of themselves. i hate this though i don't want to be thought of as an idiot, especially in school and what goes along with school is summer school. besides the fact that it's horrifyingly awkward the first day, it's horrifyingly annoying that you think to yourself why did i do this? i could have stayed up late to watch "sex and the city" with my friend, my sister, and lesbian, instead i went to bed at 11:30 (which is outrageous on a summer night) just to wake up and go to school. and i can take the class senior year! blah!!!! i feel stupid and all the kids think i'm a dork because i'm doing this because i wanted to not because i'm asian and it runs in my blood (i know awful stereotype) and not because my parents made me.

At Least Once

Wow i feel kinda stupid for putting up the post about cake without asking you, the few people who read this, what the worst this you've eaten in a day? so let that rest in your stomach acid and consider the following..... is the demand to be thin these days too high? or do you feel like taking fat pills to give yourself something to look at while working out instead of looking at the mirror and seeing your paunchy self? i'm so tired of it and when i eat something tasty now, i can't stop because i know i won't be able to eat it later. god, what i would do is to feel good about myself. i mena i fully appreciate like my friends and my parents telling me that i'm not fat or anything, but i would like to feel good about myself; i'd like to look at myself and be proud, actually want to go swimming, or buy clothing without having to think if it would hide my stomach. i think that's what everyone would like at least once in life.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is sad, i'm here alone, in my house at 9:15 pm and i don' know what to do. i feel like barfing because i've had 4 pieces of cake today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel awful, i'm supposed to be on a diet, but i, of course, being a worthless ass, has eaten 4 peices of fucking cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i'm going to kick myself in the ass.

Dodgeball Dynasty

"Dodgeball was created by opium using Chinese men. learned that from the wise film" "dodgeball: an underdog story".

Kutos To You, Mitosis

Perhaps we are living the after life. perhaps we have gone through after life after after life. Like an onion being peeled. layer by layer of reincarnation. we could be on our 5th. i could have robert e. lee or michael jackson's grandmother for all i know. i'm so glad that cells are asexual, or no one would be here right now. kutos to you, mitosis!

Weather or Not

Whether or not you're prepared for this week, it's coming.

http://www.weather.com/

why

Why are our sharpest memories full of fear?

More Muses

I wish one could choose what one rememebers.

My favorite feeling is doing nothing when school is blowing in your face.

Strangle me before i ever give into this christ nonsence

A cold Shower v.s A new School

At first you feel a chill and you're ready to get out. But, you decide it'll be far colder to get out than to stay in, so reach for the shampoo. once you've shampoo'd your hair and gotten to shaving you realize the water isn't so cold anymore.

Muse

We don't need eyes to hear bad music

Swing Your feet from Your..

highchair,
bus seat,
student chair,
own chair,
office desk,
Swing your feet from your roof.






thump thump thump

"Dangers"

I'd give up almost anything for my roof. isolation at times is the best medicine. i just sit up there and watch the clouds glide by or let the rain fall on my face while i lay there asleep. i took off my screen on my window to get to the roof. i brought rainjackets on there too because of the pollen. but once my mom found out i was "putting myself in danger" she made my dad put my screen back on. i know i can just take it down again, but the fact that she thinks i'm in danger is a bit of a debbie downer. i can take care of myself, i'm not like a toddler, i can control where i fall or if i fall. my roof is a safe place, its just barely above the ground well, barely being about a floor and a half up, but who's counting?

Coin

I remember sitting there, in my black, last spring break. i remember thinking about my great uncle and life and this great analogy that i thought i could use in some sort of award winning poem. i thought it was gold. but, then i thought to myself this is selfish, i'm thinking about my future when my great uncle has no future. so, i said it three consecutive times in my head, and then moved on thinking about how many times my pete chewed and how blunt and funny he was for a preist (to what i thought priests were at the time like, the nuns in "the sound of music"). that dinner i tried to remember what my "golden analogy" was, but i forgot it. and it wouldn't be as bad as if i could get it right on a multiple choice test. as if i could have come across it by now, but i have no idea. i guess i lost more than one thing that day. but i hate myself for not really saying my good bye just putting the coin in my hat.

Weather

Whoever came up with the expression "it's raining cats and dogs"? t's very odd. what about hippos and walruses. or sea otters and dolphins? or snails and slugs- things that really come out when it rains or things that associate with water. cat's and dogs smell bad after their out in the rain. i guess everything does, except the air. that's the best part of rain the smell and the sound each dop makes pattering on our deck and in swarms of themselves accumulated on the ground. that's the real beauty in life.

Wisdom

Wisdom doesn't grow on trees; it grows in the back of our minds, unless you are a zen master.


s
i d
w o m
tr
e = back of mind
e

Hopefully a Dying Issue

This is what's really sad about the whole appearence thing is that it's even an issue. we all have fat somewhere. though i want people to be healthy, i don't think people should just find a comfort zone for themselves not the latest trend.

Wise Words

"fuck people who make you feel like that. they should definantly not be in your life! you gotta focus on the people that make you happy, and anyone that doesn't you have to get out of your sighhhht."
-my fav couz

I completely agree with this, and i feel like an absolute idiot for thinking otherwise when people say things about me. i like to feel confident, but for some reason this year sucked in that department. one can only blame themself for impregnating pressure in ourselves to try to be perfect. no one is pefect, everyone knows that, but its just that people observe what others look like and those who aren't like that want to change themselves to be like that. i feel as though i just stated the obvioius, but even though it was the obvious people still take diet pills and become anorexic and bolimic.

High Schoolers Around Me

They have nothing to say, but everything to cry about.

The Gift of Sight

Friends kill me. i have one friend named sheila who i hate to the point where i hung up on her twice in one phone conversation. i kept telling her that my phone was broken and it was a miracle that even worked at the beginning of the conversation. she liked my sister more than me and she ignoreed me when she came over, so i never invite her over anymore. we were on a family vacation and she hung out with my sister and my sister's friend the entire time. on that vacation she called me lesbian and made fun of my weight, even though she is chubby, not me. i think she is the main reason why i hate how i look, besides my sister and brother pointing out my double chin.

But back to a more relatable topic, why do we do this to ourselves? we let anyone who says words, no inscription or official document, point out our physical flaws that are in everyone, some more inside ourselves than on the outside, but still there. why do we care so much? is it because of fashion these days? is it becuase of our eyes? our eyes allow us to see the beauties around us, but also, the evils. we as a whole are too delicate and fragile, we need to build up our shields and not let the evils of this world tear us down.

We Live in a World of Repetition

I once heard from someone that what we say has already been repeated like a million times because out of the all the people in the world it doesn't make sense that what you've said is any different from joeseph robert william or joe bob bill. so when people say something is corny or cliche wouldn't everything be cliche?

Profiles of Our Teens

1. "young&Crazy: life is to precious to worry about the stupid stuff have fun; part, dance all night, fall in love, say anything you want, do anything you want and REGRET NOTHING"

----------I for realsies DID NOT make this up!! first of all, i would use the right "too" and then i would probably use commen sense instead of whatever this is.

2. "i dont believe in god.... i read harry potter."

------- If i hear another goddamn hp fan i think i might just have to READ IT (barf in a corner)

3. "RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT!riot riot t riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIO T! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot riot RIO T! riot riot riot riot riot RIOT! riotRIOT!
PARAMORE!"

------ what can i say? i am NOT the biggest paramore fan in the world, and i bet this person isn't either.

4. P.S i love you

------This just may be the worst, and i think i may have already written about how rediculous this is, but let me reiterate myself: (1)The fact that you must show the lucky lady/man your love on your profile is somewhat saddening. (2)the rest of the world doesn't care worth a hoot (3)you make me want to barf in a corner with tom thumb

Let's NOT Play Pretend

I am broken in two. that explains why i have humorous links on my posts and other serious topics on others. some parts of me want to attract people and be who everyone likes, bu on the oher side i want to be artsy and isolated. right now, i'm feeling very artsy. i still haven't "figured out" what my real personality is and all that jazz. but, right now i'd rather be artsy and earn friends through that.
Where do we find our souls? do they appear at the bus station or in our first showers we take alone. or does it appear when we are sent to school and it accumulates from the dripping sweat from our foreheads because we are now alone. i remember the time my kindergarden teacher asked me to "play pretend" with some of the other girls because i was spending too much time at the drawing station. she told me i had to play with the other people in order to go back to drawing. while the other girls stired an empty pot with an old wooden spoon and bossed each other around, i stood there staring at my teacher. she told me to do something as she took notes, i simply stood there. i hated it. for some reason i hated being with the other kids. i wanted to either be with my parents or by myself. my teacher shoo'd me off and i went back to my drawing area.
Now when i walk into high school, i often think of that moment where i was forced to be someone i wasn't and still am not. i'm not good with people, though i wish i am. it takes me a long time to feel comfortable.
You're probably wondering, why do i care, right? but maybe you too are like this.

Make Your own STAR WARS

http://www.maddogproductions.com/starwars.htm
Make your own Starwars/star treck/battle star gilactica movie!

Ghost ride THE WHIP

Check this puppy out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlTvSUCCqPo
and the best part is that my brother DRIVES THE SAME CAR!

A Mind in a Coma

I wonder what the human mind dreams once in a coma. i once wrote a 92 page story about this. it was called "Breathlessly Alive". i loved it. i would tell the world about it, but i'm afraid it isn't copyrighted yet. but the worst part is i spelled coma like comma. my dad pointed it out after i had already turned it in. my teacher didn't read it anyway. she was bald and our class made jokes that she accidently married her husband because he didn't speak english (he was japanese). it was crule. i felt bad, but she was boring as hell and sexist.
Back to the wondering at hand- i think i'm going to try and publish that story.... someday.

Life, I Guess

so, we're driving down york while my sister and my mom's windows are open, mine is up. my mom asks me if there is too much wind. i only wish that she would have the same sympathy for me in school. well, that's life, i guess.

Amateur Lover

Normally, i don't waste my posts on love because i have never really been in love and the fact that people, my age, write about such things is intolerable. i must be candid when i write about such subject because i feel so strongly that i just must curse: they don't know shit about love, and the fact that an amateur can point it out, is telling you something.
Plus love is just so boring to write about: it's such a generic and boring subject and pretty difficult not to make it trite: which rarely occurs.

Lines of Love

Two people
Who
Fit together perfectly
Each are too shy to speak
Both feel guilty of their silence
But not badly enough
To come out and play
The game

One morning in the deep winter
She went for a walk on the one side of the river
He on the other
They walked in deep thought
Both focusing on the scenery below them
Consisting of
leaves drenched in ice,
Twigs and sticks holding hands with the solid dirt;
Never letting go.
They both pondered of each other and their
Silence.
Never on their walk did they come together;
Never did one notice the other on the opposing side;
Never did one notice what was ahead;
Just waiting for the end to crush their souls;
To crush what they had wanted but were too
Afraid
So their only defense was
Silence.

Above, from the eyes of heaven
The spectrum in view is only seen as
Two parallel lines;
Just two parallel lines;
Never ending
Never starting
Never loving

I've Lost my Mind

I need everything to have a phone number so that i can call it and find it. the next thing i know i'll lose my mind.... where did that go?

how about some ice, for that BURRN!!!
(that was helpful right? well, whatever, i think u need to go Japan's best bakery and order yourself one large slice of HUMBLE PIE!!!! <3 tyty baby)

I Just Don't Get It

Am I missing something?
Am I missing a crucial piece to fill this puzzle I'm building?
Am I walking in the woods at nighttime or jumping on an inch wide trampoline?
Why is it like this?
I just don't get it

Am I supposed to act like everybody else?
Am I supposed to think like everybody else?
Am I supposed to be that skinny?
Am I supposed to die my hair to match my dress?
I just don't get it

Am I supposed to go to dances?
Am I supposed to date guys?
Am I supposed to act stupid?
Am I supposed to like army-looking cars that only get 3 miles every gallon?
I just don't get it

Am I supposed to be that smart?
Am I supposed to be able to read in front of the class?
Am I supposed to be nice to everyone?
I just don't get it

Do I get to have an identity?
Do I get anything of my own?

Am I supposed to stick up for her?
Am I supposed to agree with her?
Am I supposed to be her friend?
I just don't get it

Am I supposed to be like her?
Am I supposed to be like everyone else?
Am I supposed to be myself?
I just don't get it

Am I supposed to believe?
Am I supposed to die?
Am I supposed to be here?
Am I supposed to be at all?

I just don't get it

Seasons

Grains fall from the heavens
And pitifully land on the earth beneath
Flowers bloom and rain shatters the grains'
Existence
The sun breeds more
And more
Until all our faces sting with the golden rays,
Finally our blooms have fallen and our
Hands are splintered with labor.
Then the cycle begins all
over again

we begin at our toes
still inside the shoes that which cover our feet
then we grow to our full foot
with a heel and an ankle,
then;
at that time
we learn;
we learn how to become
us

30ROCK

I think people under estimate 30Rock. it's an amazing show and it was perfectly casted. if it wasn't for grey's anatomy then i think 30 rock would've been watched way more often. the time really changes everything. AlSo, tina fey gave up snl for this show, we all appreciated her work there, why can't we appreciate her work somewhere else? yeh, well, there's my "rant". i just wih the show would have been more popular so there isnt this big mystery of whether it's coming back in the fall.

Innocence pt. 2

everything we do affects how, when, why we die. the people we meet mold our life into the state it is when we succumb. some people change our opinions, change the way we act, change the way we breathe; they all change our lives. they affect our every move. maybe it's a move to a bowl of icecream or move to a revolver, knife, candle stick, pipe, rope. but the person who doesn't allow others to infultrate their lives simply isn't born yet. so perhaps innocence does breathe just in the ones that are breathless.

Remarkable

Sometimes i question how our heads stay on our necks. it seems as though we hold our heads in such strange positions at times and i only wonder why doesn't it just roll off? the gravitational pull is much too high at points. remarkable.

Human kind

As my dad and i drove my ungreatful, older sister home, we all rolled down our windows. at first it was refreashing and crisp, but as countless trees flew by my wincing face, i became more and more insulted by the wind in my soon-to-be dry eyes. i rolled up my window, leaving my sister's lighter air to be brushed against her face then onto mine. It was a lighter air than what i was used to, but it was still surprisingly refreashing. though i do respect my sister, i do not respect her choices. i feel that i must now uphold what my sister did not. now, i feel lackluster and lazy knowing that i may be bound to fail, as she did. as though i think she did, but for all i know she is in the process of revealing herself to success somewhere. her grades weren't "up to snuff" and not a day goes by that i don't regret mine, though i do hide it, unfortunetly. i think my stubornness is what has led me to this state of mind: i have to be lazy in order to fulfill what mold i have managed to widdle myself. but, what does this have to do with a window in a car? well, mine has closed and her's still lies open. then, again i did at one point open a window of my own, maybe we all dread having everything fall on our backs, when we could blame everything on someone elses.

francais

salut,
comment-vas tu? je m'appelle ivy ribbon. je suis bof et tres fatigue. je me manque toi. je ne sais pas quoi faire. je suis rate un examen. qu'est-ce tu ferais?


---ivy ribbon

brief synopses

Some people may be wondering why i don't capitalize anything. well, i think it adds my own special touch. along with the fact that i always largen&bold the 1st letter of my posts.

Our Drunk TV's

Why is there nothing on tv anymore? the television used to be a family gathering; a spot where the mother would stop nagging, cooking, working, cleaning, the dad would stop.... doing whatever he would do, and the children would come in from playing outside to be together or doing their homework. Sure it would be better if something else brought families together, but we aren't all Ned Flanders. but, frankly, tv sucks these days. watching with my father, we come to vh1 and Flavor of Love Charmschool is on. every second there's some "woman's" bosom or buttox being smudged out. if that won't turn you away than the cursing will! personally they sound like bore and i had to change the channel after 5 minutes. But, the worst part about it is that i want to know who gets kicked off next. i can't believe that i actually stood up till 10 on Sundays to see the new episode. and while I'm watching that my dad is watching Deadliest Catch, a show about fishing for king crabs in Alaska. oh, and there's a new show about tanning and the "people behind it". what the hell is going on with our sociey?? fiashing shows! whore shows! and now tanning freak shows!

"innocence"

some days i feel dead, not fully dead, just the dead that grows on our stomachs, and thighs. some days i feel death arise from my own room. i hear it slither under my bed and into my closet. There it reproduces and spreads till it covers my whole eye space. Other days i feel death manifest my brain and my voice speaks for the blackness inside of me. when were we ever innocent?
when were we ever full of white?
how can anyone consider the fact that they diserve anything? the black among us cannot covered by blue, red, orange, green or anyother color.

we never dine alone

Another Mankind Weakness

I rarely ever put my hands in "pray position", if that is the proper term. i feel as though humans show weakness if they beg. I believe that the weak are the ones who spend their Sundays begging for "God" to forgive them. The fact that some need a petty idea to rely one to get them through their harsh times is sickening. yes, i have been to church, but only to see right through the sexist and prejudice thoughts that have been writtenin a bible and then followed through by "God's' children. i find it hard to believe the story of Adam and Eve and somehow they dodge the dinosaurs and how Eve was made from the ling of Adam. back to my point, i find my hands feeling discomfort and awkward when they put into this position , and i feel awkward when i am forced into this position of worship that is fake. what ever happened to just believing in your self?

High School

what's the deal with smoking and alcohol? What's the high? Feeling vulnerable to rape and pregnancy (that is if you are of the feminine gender), or is that you feel "cool" for the night and "cool" the next morning. I bet one feels really "cool" when one's cleaning up one's barf from the night before and the barf of one's "friends" on a bad stomach and head ache. Or is it the high that you get when your whole life is left in a dumpster when you are 30 or maybe twenty five when you have crashed your car and killed a friend or yourself, or maybe when you recieve the news of lung cancer, not to mention cirrhosis-a liver disease that is caused by heavy use of alcohol. Oh, how did i forget, usually when a girl is a little tipsy, a guy slips in an Ecstasy pill and the girl become unconcious. Guess what happens then.... yeah the guy rapes her! Sounds like fun, huh? The guy might be laughing but the girl isn't when she has a baby at 15 (or whenever). So yeah, I'd rather not party "young &crazy" I'd rather keep to myself and stay above the influence.

Don't you see world??! This is what your young is doing, and has been since 6th grade (well some of them)!!! WAKE UP PARENTS AND CRACK THE WHIP, SAVE YOUR CHILD'S LIVER AND LUNGS!!!



(listen to the dog on that commercial)

A Beginning Trail of Marked Thoughts

Why do we live to please the world around us? The world at which has spawned us to nurture it with enriched soils and water. But where is the sun? The universal energy source, from human to bacteria, we all need it. But, in the smallest nook of importance our occupations manifest in our lives and brains. Instead of worrying about where we will be in 30 million years or if our great, great, great, great grandchildren will have clean air to breathe, or what species will be the next sli through the sensors of humanity, or next person to die early of HIV, but we stand sturdy worrying about our jobs and perhaps our childrens' science projects and A's that we have to achieve without learning anything in order to have "options" in life. All important, just not equally. I don't believe that all our people in this society have either been raised not to think like this or choose not to because they believe their lives are mmore important than everyone else. Sure, we all get to be selfish at some point, but not this one.