Perhaps my Flaws

Why do i get up every morning when i know at one point my throat will start bleeding, or i'll want to kill myself. why? what's the point of getting up everyday when you know you're not this or that and you know you have nothing to give to the world, just another person to feed on its air. i know i'm trapped in a bottle with no flowers in it and no water… maybe some water, just not enough. when i try to climb out, i always run out of steam.

Where did i go? i know i wasn't always like this, but i seriously can't remember a time where i liked myself and when i stick my neck out be afriad that someone will come back with an insult like you're fat or what have you.

things get under my skin a lot easier these days and i miss the days where i didn't care what others thought, and i really did run from school when i was close enough to take the short cut and run home.when i got the chance.

i replay so many circumstances in my head of how i could have acte differently and how i could have stood out more. maybe have the still life be really zoomed in, or walk out of gym class during the rainforest unit with all the setup jungle gyms and sense i never was athletic i hated this and i never partook in it anyway, no one would notice. i also thought of doing a starfish or sea horse instead of the genaric fish that our art teacher made us do paint every year. Or simply not get nervous every time i read in front of the class or did some shit/book report presentation then i'd have at least one thing positive to look back on. i wish i would have broken the fence when there was nothing to lose.