Looking

After reading my new favorite, "heresay," I sat back on my black pleather chair and wondered; what do I really look like?
What is really on the outside? I know somethings I say have slipped illegally past security and drain others around me. When that occurs, I either make fun of myself or (which is MUCH worse) I don't realize it till later, much later, like "too late" later or "wow, you screwed up" later.
So, I don't know what they really think but sometimes I'm sure it's a possiblity that they (people at school or at home) hate me.
The worst is at home:
I talk to myself, mostly in incorrect French, before I fall asleep at night. I wonder who listens. I know only my mother has taken French, thus only she would be able to translate it, but sometimes English spills out. Last night my dad slept in the room next door, which is usually empty because my brother is at college. Instead of sleeping in his room, he slept in Ben's. I was completely unaware of this until this morning, and last night I spoke to myself in English. I hope he didn't hear anything. It's not like I'm coming out the unknown closet or something; it's just I replay moments of the day/week/my life in my head and, sort of, relive them. It really is fun; I think of new things to say to people; it's rather nostalgic, though.
So, at the same time that I am chatting to these people, half of me, sort of, stands watch to identify all the outside sounds and make sure no one may hear me.

Some days I feel as though I may be losing my mind, or even worse; becoming a Schiz.

at school, I am completely different; I could be classified as normal there. Well, up to yesterday, I declared myself half normal. But since yesterday, I'd say that I am becoming only 1/4 normal; I let something slide out of my mouth. I spoke to myself and it was scary. The moment I heard myself say it, I immediately began to hum a tune to somehow cloak what I had just uttered. It's frustrating really because it's so relieving, but at the same time frighteningly unorthodox.

OH, and I'm lazy; to top it all off.