Looking

After reading my new favorite, "heresay," I sat back on my black pleather chair and wondered; what do I really look like?
What is really on the outside? I know somethings I say have slipped illegally past security and drain others around me. When that occurs, I either make fun of myself or (which is MUCH worse) I don't realize it till later, much later, like "too late" later or "wow, you screwed up" later.
So, I don't know what they really think but sometimes I'm sure it's a possiblity that they (people at school or at home) hate me.
The worst is at home:
I talk to myself, mostly in incorrect French, before I fall asleep at night. I wonder who listens. I know only my mother has taken French, thus only she would be able to translate it, but sometimes English spills out. Last night my dad slept in the room next door, which is usually empty because my brother is at college. Instead of sleeping in his room, he slept in Ben's. I was completely unaware of this until this morning, and last night I spoke to myself in English. I hope he didn't hear anything. It's not like I'm coming out the unknown closet or something; it's just I replay moments of the day/week/my life in my head and, sort of, relive them. It really is fun; I think of new things to say to people; it's rather nostalgic, though.
So, at the same time that I am chatting to these people, half of me, sort of, stands watch to identify all the outside sounds and make sure no one may hear me.

Some days I feel as though I may be losing my mind, or even worse; becoming a Schiz.

at school, I am completely different; I could be classified as normal there. Well, up to yesterday, I declared myself half normal. But since yesterday, I'd say that I am becoming only 1/4 normal; I let something slide out of my mouth. I spoke to myself and it was scary. The moment I heard myself say it, I immediately began to hum a tune to somehow cloak what I had just uttered. It's frustrating really because it's so relieving, but at the same time frighteningly unorthodox.

OH, and I'm lazy; to top it all off.

Time

Another great, if I dare to be so bold, example of where a clock should perch. Clearly not in your living room, it has settled itself in between the fingers of a tree. Sure, not everyone looks at trees but children may from the back seats of vehicles commanded by their up-bringers. Or perhaps ants and insects need to know how much time they have left in their day long lives. Or should we know time? I know some people who need structure but others just may not. They bodies could've installed a reliable body clock that needs no assistance. Or how about those under the "normal" IQ and can barely even remember what a clock is. They seem to do fine, well I guess with help of others, but without a sense of time they seem to have survived/ are surviving.

Clocks Everywhere

I wish that clocks would be everywhere. They clearly are the most useful tool mankind has ever made. I constantly need reminders of what time it truly is, not what someone spits; "Oh, around 5" and then it's really 4:15 which, well at least in my crazy perspective, is far, far away from five. So perhaps on the sidewalk or on huddled in your little mailbox cove would be a perfect home for your morning and afternoon clock. Perhaps sidewalk or ceiling would be good for your dozing clocks that give your eyes something to stare at as boring professeurs try to enhance your geometric skills or while your overly confident boss gives you a lecture on how you should properly fill out god-knows-what-kind of "death" report. And lastly a clock settled in your refrigerator or treadmill because we all know Americans love to eat and once they finish, if they defy the lazy laws of most American cities, they run like there's no tomorrow. It takes about 30 seconds to entake more than 300 calories, and it takes about 30-60 minutes to burn them off. Wow.

The Color Black

With every group of friends there is ALWAYS someone who resembles the color black. By that I mean somehow they overshadow everyone and no matter the amount or the diversity of ther others; they are never off-game, I guess you could say. It's rather annoying actually because everyone wants to feel confident or at least be good at pretending to be, and it just makes everyone jealous, not to mention me, because I just have to be so humane. Anyways there are two types of blacks (IM NOT BEING RACIST), one who kills the moment with everthing they say whether it's good or bad, they just kill it, and the other is the one who mixes with everyone and leaves there mark while doing so. Either one is threatening.

Senario 1: Jack, let's say is the color black, and he comes to your party and after everytime someone tells a story, he tells a "better" story afterward. For example, he says after someone shared a story of falling in the ice, he says: "Oh MY GOD! That same exact thing happened to me, but worse.." and he makes his story like the slightest bit different just he shows more enthusiasm in his voice. AH! IT's SO annyoing!

Senario 2: That cool british friend that everyone has, or, more importantly, wants to have. After, let's say, three hours everyone once in a while pipes out a few sentences or words in a British accent. Crazy.

A Perfect Afternoon and Vacation

I want to sit in on a funeral and see what the person was like. Like indirect characterization in a book. I want to know what they possibly could have contributed to the world and to others;I want the full rough copy of their character sketch. It would really make a perfect afternoon. I feel like half the time, I'm more concerned or just curious of others' struggles and lives than my own, but that's better than being fixated on myself and complain every five minutes.
Also, I also really want to read other people's case files and learn about disorders with no cure or just spend five or so days in a mental facility. THAT would be the BEST vacation EVER! I would learn SO much about people. I believe that in order to become a better person, you should learn more about others even if they are mental.
Lastly, listen in on other people's therapy or listen to their AAA meetings. There was an episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fey's character, Liz Lemon, was given the choice, sort of, to either stay and watch Floyd, her upcoming boyfriend's AAA meeting or not, and she did. Now, I can see why people would say she should have respected the privacy of him and the group's, but on the other side, she made the selfishly right decision. Who doesn't like to gossip? It's just like that. It's like watching Desperate Housewives except without the annoying red-headed bird lady.